I need to vent about my situation, not rabbits

[CDiana]

I should have read your post earlier.. You and I have a lot of similarities. My husband and I are going through a divorce. Our final hearing is on our 10th Anniversary.How funny is that that we end our marriage on the same day we started it. Unfortunately it is also the day me and my two boys move to ND to live with my sister. I am 28. my boys are 8 and 5. My older son has asperger's and a mood disorder. I have been stay-at-home since we got married. One reason I have never had a job is because he is Military and up until we moved to Colorado we were never on one spot even for 2 years. I am turning to rabbits to help me heal and help me start over. my husband and I did our divorce without lawyers. Fortunately for me he was mature enough to agree to everything. Fortunately for him I was willing to consider our financial situation as well. So we were able to come to agreeable terms. We are still living in the same house. I told him I didn't want him to move out until after me and the boys moved up to ND. We are going through Bankruptcy on the house, so the house will go back to the bank. My mother-in-law is actually choosing to move with me and my kids. So that will help my kids a lot in adjusting to a new environment.
Divorce is very hard. A part of your heart dies with the lose. But you can start over and learn to be happy again. And realize divorce is much better than staying in an unhealthy relationship.

 

[Sagebrush]

Thanks to both of you. I am doing all that I can to keep treading water in this situation. I have talked with a lawyer and we will see what kind of case we can build against my so to be ex. I tried to do it without a lawyer to begin with but since he already has one, thanks to his mom and grandma...., I am looking now. I had thought that it would have been easier if I gave him the option to pay the minimum support and all the assets to get rid of him. To let him move on with his girlfriend and I could begin again with a new life, but it seems that he wants to hurt me in any way possible for as long as possible.

I was going back through my journal, from when this all started, and have come to realize that I am doing better now then I was even 2 weeks ago. I have a goal for myself and each day takes me another step closer to it. I have also thought about the name I had first chosen as my rabbitry name, Freedoms Hope Rabbitry. I do not want to be reminded of this time in my life every time I hear it. Even though I think it is a great name I am going to change it to my call sign. It will remind me of where I came from, Nevada, but not how it came to be. Like you CDiana, they are my solace and are helping me to heal from what my life has become.

 

[Ole Mule]

I am a male and have been married 38 years hope for 38 more with the same woman. My feelings are stick it to him for all you can. He fathered two kids his responsibility to pay for them. He wanted another woman he can have her, but he needs to pay alimony on the one he left behind. He wants to screw your life up then screw his up big time, do not feel sorry for him he made the bed he needs to lay in it.

 

[the reluctant farmer]

:yeahthat: and seconds on all of the advice. Nothing new to add, but sending hugs and strength to you. Love to the boys. I imagine it might be tough for the oldest boy (change and ADD-I've found that can be a challenge). But they will be fine; all three of you may need your moments of acting out as you move on to your new life and new opportunities. Your "rabbit tribe" is pulling for you!

 

[Sagebrush]

Thank you all so very much. I am going to do my best to get everything that my boys and I deserve. I am so glad that all my "Rabbit Tribe" is pulling for me. I do not know what I would do if I had not found you all.

__________ Tue May 13, 2014 6:47 pm __________

Well I had court today. I was there but he never showed.
I get to keep my truck, even though its not working at the moment. I get to have spousal support. More child support than I had asked for, pays to take in the latest tax information. All my personal items and none of his medical debts. I also was awarded primary custody of the children. He has visitation from Friday at 4:30pm till Sunday at 4:30 pm. If he still wants to work during that time then he is to get his own babysitter, NOT to be dropping them off at my house at 3:45am the morning after he picks them up. Oh and the support payments are every two weeks, the same day he gets paid. The final court date is set for July 8th, if he decides to not go to this one either then he will just have to deal with what the judge ordered.

 

[Zass]

That's more like it! Congratulations for standing up for yourself! Now...the next stage is often guiltiing and head games.
Trying to make you feel bad about any of this is a form of abuse. It can be quite subtle.
If you see behavior like that from him, think of it as just one more good reason to be rid of him!

 

[Comet007]

I am so happy for you! It doesn't pay to not make an appearance at these things - and supposedly he has a lawyer? Crazy - I'm so glad that you will be getting the financial support you need, and that it's more than you asked for! Hopefully you can collect it as a garnishment so that collecting your payments won't be a problem. I'll second Zass - you should be so proud of yourself for standing up to him and looking out for yourself and the kids.

 

[MaggieJ]

So glad that you and the kids are going to get the support you need. Well done!

 

[michaels4gardens]

 

[Sagebrush]

Thank you all.

Well he ended up calling me at 12:30am, to talk about what happened in court. He decided to work a double instead of going. :roll: Well his lawyer didn't show either. So I told him what the judge had ordered, and that if he had been there and we could have come to an agreement he would have been divorced YESTERDAY!!! I explained to him how it was all decided and that if he agreed to what the judge ordered he could go in and sign the appropriate forms from the court clerks and be divorced.

He said that the terms sounded agreeable to him but he was going to take a couple days to decided, he wants to talk with his lawyer and mother who are backing him..... :angry: Frankly I believe he should just sign the papers and call it good. I do not think that the judge is going to be too happy to hear that be blew off court to go to work. :lol:

It has been ordered that he is to make his first payment, half of ordered support, Friday, and every two weeks when he gets paid.

 

[MamaSheepdog]

Good job, Sagebrush! I imagine you were really nervous about going to face that, and so-o-o-o relieved when neither of them was there at all! :lol:

I wonder if he has a lawyer at all, or if that is just a bluff. :? I would think that the lawyer at least would have been there.

Frankly I believe he should just sign the papers and call it good. I do not think that the judge is going to be too happy to hear that be blew off court to go to work. :lol:

That would be the smart move. I bet the judge would change the terms to be even less in his favor for wasting the court's time.

 

[Sagebrush]

I think so too. :lol: Either way I have come out better then I thought I would.

 

[arachyd]

Great to hear. I'm surprised the judge didn't do more. Around here and most places a no-show is an automatic bench warrant for his arrest. You don't get to just decide to work an extra shift. Actually that can work in your favor if the extra hours show in his pay and he indicates he is free to work extra you can demand extra.

 

[michaels4gardens]

Thank you all.

Well he ended up calling me at 12:30am, to talk about what happened in court. He decided to work a double instead of going. :roll: Well his lawyer didn't show either. So I told him what the judge had ordered, and that if he had been there and we could have come to an agreement he would have been divorced YESTERDAY!!! I explained to him how it was all decided and that if he agreed to what the judge ordered he could go in and sign the appropriate forms from the court clerks and be divorced.

He said that the terms sounded agreeable to him but he was going to take a couple days to decided, he wants to talk with his lawyer and mother who are backing him..... :angry: Frankly I believe he should just sign the papers and call it good. I do not think that the judge is going to be too happy to hear that be blew off court to go to work. :lol:

It has been ordered that he is to make his first payment, half of ordered support, Friday, and every two weeks when he gets paid.

congrats, -just stand firm, and take care of you, and your boys best interest

 

[Comet007]

Wow, that's great that you can be divorced so quickly where you live - though that statement feels odd somehow! Here in WA there's some kind of waiting period/mediation crud that has to happen first.

 

[TwoAcreDream]

Hi
I hope things go better now for you.

I too am amazed at how quick your divorce system works.

I was wondering if you had something in your agreement about
retirement. If you had been married 10 years, you should be able
to draw against his social security, depending on circumstances.
If he has a job now or in the future that has a good pension, you
might be able to get a portion of that.
Is something like that in your agreement ?

 

[Sagebrush]

The last court date was the mediation that he did not show up to. But it is Nevada and it is very quick here. As for the pension and/or retirement... he doesn't have any and no I cannot draw on his social security. Since I have worked in the past and am looking to start work once more I will have my own to worry about. At least I have a chance to grow more as a person and not be stuck under his thumb anymore. We are now legally separated. If he agrees to what the judge has ordered then it is just a matter of him filling out some paper work and once processed it is official.

 

[Comet007]

I hope he fills out the paperwork and lets things just be done instead of being difficult. It's great that you live in a place where it can just be that simple, though I'm sure not easy. Getting out and being able to be your true self instead of something he tried to make you into will be the very best thing for you and your kids. I admire your attitude and energy about the whole situation.

 

[Zass]

Remember, your true self is better. It's beautiful to be YOU.

Just because things don't work out between two people...it doesn't EVER mean there is anything wrong with either person.
Marital compatibility is complicated.
How one handles it means a lot though.
You ex comes off as someone who is rather insecure, and very irresponsible.

 

[Sagebrush]

Truth be told, he is acting like a high school brat. He needs to mature a great deal before he will ever find happiness. It does greatly sadden me to say that too. :sad: