Parents being sued. No idea what to do now

[rockyhillrabbits]

To make a really long story short, in 2020, my dad had surgery to have an abdominal aortic aneurysm repaired and during recovery he had a major stroke that left him completely blind and unable to use his left side. In 2021 my mom quit working because she just couldn't physically do it anymore after she got sick from the Covid vaccination.
Today they were served papers and are being sued for a little over $8000 from a loan they got before my dad's stroke. I guess in 2021 mom stopped paying on it because they simply couldn't afford it. They had food stamps taken away and if it hadn't been for my husband working and us paying for their groceries, they wouldn't have had food. They were told they don't qualify, even though in 2021 they did and absolutely nothing has changed. So we have been living with them since June 2021, just before I was diagnosed with cancer and before I was laid off. My brother has been in and out of the hospital since February and had to have his leg amputated due to a bad infection.
I don't even know what will happen in this situation. We have paid for groceries, gas, car repairs, getting water heater fixed, we take care of all that plus going to have to pay their propane, taxes, and trash bill. We do not have any more to help with but all our animals are here also, so if they lose their house, we will all end up without a place to live. Our house is not livable and we haven't been able to afford to buy the materials to start working on it.
Seriously don't know what to do.

 

[Preitler]

I'm sorry I cant help. I have relatives in the US, and have seen how... indifferent? this social structure is. My sister, nice and nephew keep their austrian citizenship, just in case. The way I learned I have more distant relatives over there was via GoFundMe, because they were trying to raise money to pay for their daughters surgery. And even my sister had to fight for a surgery for my nephew for years despite a top notch insurance, it was still a calculation if it was cheaper to drop him once old enough versa getting this issue fixed now and avoid future costs.
Anyway. I only met good people over there. I reckon it's not easy to ask for help, but I'm sure there are some who would answer that call, would feel honored being asked, even if it's just small things.
Years ago, I did help a neighbour in financial trouble with the rent, all it took was being asked for it. That wasn't a small thing, about what I use up in a year, and I'm not going to get anything of it back, but that's totally fine. Worth it.

 

[dlynn]

To make a really long story short, in 2020, my dad had surgery to have an abdominal aortic aneurysm repaired and during recovery he had a major stroke that left him completely blind and unable to use his left side. In 2021 my mom quit working because she just couldn't physically do it anymore after she got sick from the Covid vaccination.
Today they were served papers and are being sued for a little over $8000 from a loan they got before my dad's stroke. I guess in 2021 mom stopped paying on it because they simply couldn't afford it. They had food stamps taken away and if it hadn't been for my husband working and us paying for their groceries, they wouldn't have had food. They were told they don't qualify, even though in 2021 they did and absolutely nothing has changed. So we have been living with them since June 2021, just before I was diagnosed with cancer and before I was laid off. My brother has been in and out of the hospital since February and had to have his leg amputated due to a bad infection.
I don't even know what will happen in this situation. We have paid for groceries, gas, car repairs, getting water heater fixed, we take care of all that plus going to have to pay their propane, taxes, and trash bill. We do not have any more to help with but all our animals are here also, so if they lose their house, we will all end up without a place to live. Our house is not livable and we haven't been able to afford to buy the materials to start working on it.
Seriously don't know what to do.

Such a sad situation! Don't understand that all of you can't get the much needed help. Messed up system. I've known some with much less need who got everything handed to them. Hope you can find what you need.

 

[rockyhillrabbits]

That's just the tip of the iceberg. They can't even get help with dad, you know home health to just come once a week to give mom a break. His insurance said they don't cover it. This last time they applied for food stamps they were told they were denied because they had 2 vehicles. What do they expect people to do, sell everything they own just to be able to get govt assistance?
We can't fix our house because every bit of money we make goes to our car payment, which we got this car last december and drove it 30 days and had to park it because we couldn't afford to pay the sales tax to get the tags. Yet we've kept insurance on it and kept paying for it even though we can't drive it. Every time we think we might be able to save a little, their car needs fixed, or the water heater needed fixed, or the A/C went out so we had to get that fixed. We even buy their cigarettes, cat food, take my brother to all his doctor appointments so there have been weeks my husband hasn't gotten paid because he had to miss work.
You know what we get out of all this? Nothing.
No thank you, no appreciation. I am the one who goes to the store for mom, picks up meds, everything. We mow the yard, take the trash out, fix everything. Their trash in the house could be overflowing and I'm the only one who will change the bag and take out the trash. My brother hits my dogs, threatens to burn all our stuff, reminds me every chance he gets that this isn't our home, and complains about literally everything. He treats my parents like crap, doesn't respect them at all. My mom just lets him get away with it.
All my life, my mom has babied him. I have always felt like she never cared about me and there is no bond whatsoever between us. She has never taken any interest in anything and when I mention something fun we could do her response to me is "So what." But she will stop what she's doing and do whatever it is my brother asks her to do. I'm just about done to walk away from all of them.
The room we sleep in is their old office. We sleep on a leaky air mattress, no heat in the room, no room for anything besides some of our clothes on a bookshelf. I can't voice my opinion o even stand up to my brother but he can call me a bi*** and I just have to take it because if I do say anything, even anything like correcting him on something as meaningless as the name of a TV show, he loses it on me. I do the cleaning, take care of the animals, go to the store, do what they need and I barely talk to them. There are days I just stay in the little office room and nobody cares about me. When I was going through my cancer I still had to do everything and nobody cared how I was doing.
I'm just tired of it.

 

[hihobunny]

Look at this website to see if there is information you can use. The Eldercare Locator is a public service of the Administration on Aging (AoA), an agency of the U.S. Administration for Community Living.
About Eldercare

For Food for Elderly Adults try Meals on Wheels America

For Legal Aid use this website and enter your zip code to find assistance in your area Get Legal Help

 

[user8584]

What ever your need , your greatest need is prayer.
Do not look for help from the government, but from your local community. There are food banks to help with food.
there are several church groups which have mens groups who repair things that need repair seek them out.
It troubling to hear of your situation, it is as if you have fallen under Job’s curse!
Here in central Texas there are enough food banks to never buy groceries if you can’t work.
For peace read psalms 91,
As far as the law suit the worst they can do is get a judgement against your father’s homestead, but they can’t evict anyon.
It stays on the books till the property is sold.

 

[arachyd]

You might want to try the Food Stamp/SNAP application again. I know in my state they stopped counting vehicles and other resources a few years ago for certain groups of people. It's a federal program so the states have to make the rules fit within the federal guidelines. You may be able to be considered a separate household if you're over a certain age in case your income was being counted. Sometimes it just requires a statement from you that you cannot continue to pay for their utilities, etc. (just don't do it untruthfully) for the utilities to be counted as a household expense for Food Stamps. There are a LOT of variables that can be counted or excluded.

Only you will know when you've had enough. The situation you are in is abusive to you. Have you tried giving your mom an ultimatum about your brother?

 

[lizowens53]

I have been in a very similar situation before. Some very good advice has been given in this thread. When I was in the middle of it, it was very difficult to actually try the advice given. Talking to my mom about it was hard, but it seemed to make a difference. After my dad died, she had re-written her Will to be very one-sided to my brother. She halved everything, but then made it to where I had to pay my brother half of the current value of everything I got (and he did not have to pay me anything for what he got), so I really got a lot less. She apologized to me about a month before she passed, saying I never needed her like my brother did, I was just more independent, so she was "naturally" closer to him. She also said she was going to see her attorney and get everything changed back to the way my dad had it set up, but then she passed before that was accomplished.
After she passed, I just let it all go. I never argue with my brother over anything, he is the only immediate family I have left, and I don't want to be at odds with him, it just isn't worth it to live the rest of my life holding a grudge. My only advice is to try to work out your hurt feelings within yourself. Don't let him live rent-free in your head. You don't want to stress your own self out.
Plus, take the advice in this thread and apply again and again until they wake up and get you all some assistance. The local churches probably have a fund setup for helping people like you and your family and would be glad to help. Some government assistance will turn you down the first couple of times you apply just because your case worker is too lazy to work your case correctly, so don't give up!!

 

[Markshere2]

Bankruptcy exists for this situation.

research it.

It saved our family in 1991

 

[Zee-Man]

...What do they expect people to do, sell everything they own just to be able to get govt assistance?...

In point of fact that is about what they expect. Government programs are not about helping people out or giving them a hand up. Programs are all about making you reliant on them.

There are many services and funds run by churches. But, churches have been scammed so much that many are limiting charitable help to members. Don't be surprised if you have difficulty when turning to churches.

Regarding the financial and verbal abuse from your brother: that is actionable. You should record the next threat to burn your stuff and then call the police. Yes, it your brother, but that is not permission to threaten your life with arson.

 

[rockyhillrabbits]

And to add to everything, my mom was served with a lawsuit from a credit card company a couple days ago. She owes almost $2000, which me and my husband will have to pay because they don't have the money.
Christmas Day was horrible. My brother got mad and started cussing and yelling because my husband left a pair of boots and jeans in the bathroom floor. Then my mom got involved in it and basically said she doesn't care at all about us or my dad and she'd just take my brother and leave.
We sold our litter of Great Dane puppies and instead of us being able to get our SUV tagged and legal to drive or buying material to start working on our house, we used the puppy money to help them.
My dad told me yesterday that I needed to do more to help mom and I told him all she does now is feed her cats and the dishes. Every now and then she will mop the floors or do laundry once a week. After my hysterectomy I had to start doing things way before I was cleared to do them because otherwise, it wouldn't have gotten done. Nobody cared about me then.
90% of the time she's playing games on her tablet.
I feel like screaming and ripping my hair out.
I have applied to a job that's second shift, Monday-Friday and pays good so I'm hoping I get it so maybe we can get ahead for ourselves and get out of this miserable house.

 

[Zee-Man]

And to add to everything,...

I am sure we are all feeling compassionate toward you. While we may not be able to offer physical help, we are able to read your missives and let you at least vent. I know several of us have you in our prayers!

 

[ladysown]

HOLD ON... YOU are NOT responsible for your parents debt.
It is THEIR debt not yours. they can be sued, but they may need to declare bankruptcy which means all debts are cleared. (just my rough laymans opinions).
Unless you have signed something saying that you are somehow responsible for their debt. but if the card is in their name, it is THEIR debt not yours.
I know it's hard and i can't fix it, but seriously...stop paying their bills. Save your money and get out. Seriously. Even if you have sleep in your car.... there has to be something better for you. Stop being their safety and let them be responsible for themselves and you be responsible for you and your family.

 

[Tommy]

To make a really long story short, in 2020, my dad had surgery to have an abdominal aortic aneurysm repaired and during recovery he had a major stroke that left him completely blind and unable to use his left side. In 2021 my mom quit working because she just couldn't physically do it anymore after she got sick from the Covid vaccination.
Today they were served papers and are being sued for a little over $8000 from a loan they got before my dad's stroke. I guess in 2021 mom stopped paying on it because they simply couldn't afford it. They had food stamps taken away and if it hadn't been for my husband working and us paying for their groceries, they wouldn't have had food. They were told they don't qualify, even though in 2021 they did and absolutely nothing has changed. So we have been living with them since June 2021, just before I was diagnosed with cancer and before I was laid off. My brother has been in and out of the hospital since February and had to have his leg amputated due to a bad infection.
I don't even know what will happen in this situation. We have paid for groceries, gas, car repairs, getting water heater fixed, we take care of all that plus going to have to pay their propane, taxes, and trash bill. We do not have any more to help with but all our animals are here also, so if they lose their house, we will all end up without a place to live. Our house is not livable and we haven't been able to afford to buy the materials to start working on it.
Seriously don't know what to do.

Everything that is owned by the applicant and their spouse is reportable for government assistance. According to the government two cars is a luxury when only one spouse works. Some places to look for help: the local Salvation Army, not only do they provide a meal they also give clothes and small household items. They usually also have a list of free and reduced cost medical care, dental care, transportation and food. Your local county health department has information on reduced and free health and dental care. Meals on Wheels will usually deliver one hot meal per day to the elderly who can’t go shopping for food. You can also search for Community Healthcare Centers online. When you find one make sure you check to see if they are federally funded. Why? Some services may be free and all provide care and the patient is charged based on their ability to. They may even have a pharmacy for your medications and the charge is based on your ability to pay. As much as I hate to say it (I have rescue dogs) you need to surrender your pets to the local shelter. If you can’t feed the humans in the home and have debts you cannot pay how do justify feeding and caring for pets? I am surprised that the government has not said anything about the pets. Many churches and their affiliated organizations will help when asked. You have to ask to get help.

 

[rockyhillrabbits]

Everything that is owned by the applicant and their spouse is reportable for government assistance. According to the government two cars is a luxury when only one spouse works. Some places to look for help: the local Salvation Army, not only do they provide a meal they also give clothes and small household items. They usually also have a list of free and reduced cost medical care, dental care, transportation and food. Your local county health department has information on reduced and free health and dental care. Meals on Wheels will usually deliver one hot meal per day to the elderly who can’t go shopping for food. You can also search for Community Healthcare Centers online. When you find one make sure you check to see if they are federally funded. Why? Some services may be free and all provide care and the patient is charged based on their ability to. They may even have a pharmacy for your medications and the charge is based on your ability to pay. As much as I hate to say it (I have rescue dogs) you need to surrender your pets to the local shelter. If you can’t feed the humans in the home and have debts you cannot pay how do justify feeding and caring for pets? I am surprised that the government has not said anything about the pets. Many churches and their affiliated organizations will help when asked. You have to ask to get help.

They have two small dogs and a ton of cats. Most of the cats came from semi feral females that come around to have babies. They had gotten several females spayed over the years and the spayed ones would disappear then another feral female would show up. I have been able to find homes for a few kittens. They have Medicare that covers their doctor visits and medications. But between my mom's retirement and my dad's disability they only have enough for their mortgage payment and electric bill. We have lived with them the last year so we buy the groceries and just about everything else because if it hadn't been for us, their A/C, water heater, wouldn't have gotten fixed. We are supposed to be getting my dad's truck. My dad wants us to have it and he's told my mom to sign it over to us but she hasn't. She hasn't even talked to us about it so I guess she doesn't want us to get it but the starter went out on it so we'll have to get that fixed too.
My brother doesn't even drive, even when he could drive, he wouldn't drive 5 minutes down the road to the grocery store for them.

 

[rockyhillrabbits]

HOLD ON... YOU are NOT responsible for your parents debt.
It is THEIR debt not yours. they can be sued, but they may need to declare bankruptcy which means all debts are cleared. (just my rough laymans opinions).
Unless you have signed something saying that you are somehow responsible for their debt. but if the card is in their name, it is THEIR debt not yours.
I know it's hard and i can't fix it, but seriously...stop paying their bills. Save your money and get out. Seriously. Even if you have sleep in your car.... there has to be something better for you. Stop being their safety and let them be responsible for themselves and you be responsible for you and your family.

That is easier said than done. If we weren't buying groceries, they wouldn't have any food. I honestly don't know how they will make it without us paying for everything.
We want to fix our place up, sell it and use that for a down payment on a farm. Hubby keeps saying we need to find a place with two houses, or one big house so they can all move with us and I have said NO WAY IN HELL is that happening. I want some peace from them. I can not see anything good coming from that scenario because my brother thinks he owns this house and controls things so he would do the same with the farm. I want to have a farm so we can do things our way and raise what we want.

 

[kusanar314]

That is easier said than done. If we weren't buying groceries, they wouldn't have any food. I honestly don't know how they will make it without us paying for everything.

Here's where you are probably a better person than I am. They are all adults, your leaving and taking your income with you is a result of how they act. There are welfare programs that can help them if you aren't supporting them. Their not managing their own lives is not your problem.

 

[ladysown]

Precisely. Sometimes you have to let people sleep in the bed they have made.

 

[tambayo]

That is easier said than done. If we weren't buying groceries, they wouldn't have any food. I honestly don't know how they will make it without us paying for everything.

That is because right now they don't need to. Walk away, start your own life, you at least know some of what not to do. If you keep fixing things for them there is no motivation to change and you'll end up in debt and frustrated from their manipulating you. Follow your dreams and realise that sadly they most likely will never be proud of you no matter what you do or not either with your own life or for them.
:hug:

 

[Nibbles]

Don't assume any of their debts. They can go bankrupt and keep a home and a car so they can get to work. If you don't pay, they will still be okay, but will need to do some work to be okay.

I hope you get your farm soon.