Moral Dilemma

[curelom]

Susie, I was thinking, maybe it would help if you evaluated the things your son watches and reads to see what sorts of messages they might be influencing him with, and using those as teaching opportunities. For example, if he was watching Disney's "Bambi", it would be a good opportunity for a discussion on how nature in stories isn't always true to life. Baby rabbits and deer and skunks don't play together happily and in perfect safety and in beautiful unity with all the other living things (except when hunters come, or they're fighting with their rivals over girls, or there's a forest fire...). Stories like that can be fun (though I've never liked that one, personally...), but in real life nature is more of a struggle for survival, and living things have to eat other living things in order to survive. Just thinking hard about the ways that a story doesn't match reality (and ways that the story contradicts itself--like in Bambi how it's half an exaggerated peace and half an exaggerated turmoil in the way that forest life is presented) could be a good way to work through confusing emotions and come to peace with the realities of life.

Maybe you could also encourage him to read and/or watch more things that treat raising/catching animals for meat as a normal and necessary part of life. They don't necessarily need to be stories that focus on it... just that it's part of the characters' reality that doesn't seem at all strange to them. A lot of older books can be great at this--you know, things written in times and places where living on a farm and raising one's one food was a very normal part of life, and even if you didn't raise your own food you would still be exposed to what that was like because many of the neighbors did. I like the "Little House" books by Laura Ingalls Wilder... she grew up a pioneer girl, knowing from a very young age that if they couldn't grow or raise or hunt the food they needed, they would starve. And the same thing went for everything else they needed--if they couldn't make it themselves or trade for it or somehow earn enough money with their extra crops or furs to buy it, they had to do without. You might want to keep your eye out particularly for stories that have an attitude of treating animals with respect and kindness, whether the animal is going to end up on the table or not; perhaps being exposed to that sort of story could help him see that caring about animals is good, and that it's not incompatible with raising animals for meat. And that if you raise your own meat, you can know that it lived a good, happy life and was treated kindly and humanely. (I might be able to come up with book recommendations, if you would like any suggestions, and I'm sure there are others who could also suggest books and movies that might help.)

One other thing was, I was remembering reading some time ago about... let's see if I can remember... people from... maybe a Native American tribe? where it was their custom that when they would hunt, after they killed something they would thank it for giving its life for them, so that their family could have the meat and leather and furs and things that they needed. Now, it seems to me that this is the sort of thing that could either really help or make things worse depending on the person, but maybe, just maybe, your son might feel better if before butchering time, he could thank a rabbit for giving its life, so that your family can eat, and explain to it that it was better for it to have its life ended now than for it to end up in a home where it would be a mistreated or neglected pet. (If your son tends to overly personify animals, I might hesitate about trying this, but that's just a guess.... On the other hand it might help him reach emotional closure and find peace.)

Anyway, I have no idea if any of that would even be helpful or not, but... I thought I'd mention it just in case.... Good luck, and I hope he can find peace about this!

 

[akane]

he has some kind of issue with what he calls 'slimy chicken', I don't get it. Some kind of texture thing. We haven't quite figured out what the secret is... but he seems to prefer 'dry' chicken meat to other types, although he will, sometimes eat a chicken leg. He prefers breaded (who doesn't) but we rarely make it that way to save on calories. He likes fish.

I like my meat slightly overcooked to dry. I will cook salmon fillets until the edges start to lift a little. It helps to bread things to absorb some moisture and reduce the texture. Chicken is highly variable. The quality of chicken is a huge deal and chicken raised free range or with a lot of supplemental foods will have a lot more flavor and less slimy fat and connective tissue layers. I also like the roasted chickens from Fresh Market but lower end hyvee grocery store chicken is often inedible. I annoy my husband pointing out preseasoned chicken products I want to eat and then get it cooked and I can't eat it. It sounds good, it looks good, but something is wrong about it if it isn't breaded and/or high enough quality and low enough fat. I hate poultry fat more than any other meat and I carefully peel it by hand off red meat and pork because my fork and knife are not detailed enough. A good chicken roasted whole really does come out the best for my tastes.

Some people need the clear separation of pet vs meat animals and possibly to not even really handle the meat animals at all. It's harder when some do go to show or other pet homes before meat so they need handled and they might not die. I don't think it's actually helpful to think about them becoming meat as the last ditch option. It still makes turning them in to meat sound like it's a bad thing you only do because you have no choice. That's not what I'd want to get across. I think it would be better to say right off that all of these could be meat and we need some meat. If they have good personalities they will be made available as pets for the money and if they are show quality they will be made available to breeders to improve their breeding programs but overall they should always be considered as possibly going for meat first to avoid attachment.

 

[Susie570]

I like the "Little House" books by Laura Ingalls Wilder... she grew up a pioneer girl, knowing from a very young age that if they couldn't grow or raise or hunt the food they needed, they would starve. And the same thing went for everything else they needed--if they couldn't make it themselves or trade for it or somehow earn enough money with their extra crops or furs to buy it, they had to do without. You might want to keep your eye out particularly for stories that have an attitude of treating animals with respect and kindness, whether the animal is going to end up on the table or not; perhaps being exposed to that sort of story could help him see that caring about animals is good, and that it's not incompatible with raising animals for meat. And that if you raise your own meat, you can know that it lived a good, happy life and was treated kindly and humanely. (I might be able to come up with book recommendations, if you would like any suggestions, and I'm sure there are others who could also suggest books and movies that might help.)

That's a good idea, I might see if I can find him some of the Little House books to read... IF he will read them. :roll: He LOVES to read, but he's very much into fictional adventure stories right now, and he might object, saying they are 'girl books'. :roll: Some other adventure, wilderness type stories might be good though.

We actually DO 'thank our food', we don't do it every time, but often we will say something like "Thank you, cow, for the meat we are eating" or whatever. I think the idea of having him 'thank' a rabbit before it is dispatched would really tear him up though. These are some really good suggestions and I think we will get there. I appreciate all of the thoughtful feedback and anecdotal stories <br /><br /> __________ Tue Apr 28, 2015 4:08 pm __________ <br /><br />

I think it would be better to say right off that all of these could be meat and we need some meat. If they have good personalities they will be made available as pets for the money and if they are show quality they will be made available to breeders to improve their breeding programs but overall they should always be considered as possibly going for meat first to avoid attachment.

I appreciated what you had to say about meat textures, but I particularly wanted to thank you for those words... I believe that attitude might be helpful. I'm not sure. I guess we'll find out. I just want to tread lightly on this subject with him. He's very sensitive and I think that's ok, but it takes him to places that are not helpful sometimes and that's what I'm trying to avoid. These suggestions are very helpful.

 

[Schipperkesue]

Not to pry, but you have mentioned your son before..how old is he? I ask this because you mentioned processing videos...Also is he average or special needs? I am currently raising my two grandsons as most of you know, the older one is almost 10 and is moderately functional autistic, He lives in a different world from the rest of us...He would not understand and would most likely be temporarily traumatized by seeing it in person., but to him video, computer or tv, is more real than life..And food is a major issue..He will force himself to throw up if he doesn't like something..that can be traumatic for the whole family.
Now my almost seven year old is highly intelligent probably, even gifted... He understands the whole process but has not witnessed the processing .He has ask to be with me when I process but I don't think he needs to see that quite yet. :x
The 6 yr.old understands that we breed to eat..He knows that when they go into the grow out pen they are destined for freezer camp. He has watched me break down a fryer and cook it so he knows that we grew it and processed it. I answer his questions as they come up.But it is in a matter of fact way there is little emotion to it, because I don't want to influence him to think that it is bad or wrong..,
Right now he is curious about reproduction I am to old for that..I haven't given "the talk"in 25 years..

He turned 8 years old last month. I wouldn't call him 'special needs', he might possibly be on the autism scale... I'm not sure. He's very bright in many ways and kind of... awkward in other ways. Sometimes we tend to forget how young he still is and expect things from him that one would expect from a much older child, but that's partly because he behaves like a much older child (until things don't go his way, then he acts like a 2yr old) I don't know, he's confusing. lol

Susie, like Katiebear, as I was reading the posts, I was thinking your son has many sensitivities similar to children on the autistic spectum. I am a special needs teacher and I work with and love my Autistic students and the different way they perceive the world.

__________ Tue Apr 28, 2015 3:11 pm __________

Oh, I wanted to add, this may give you some insights as to how to deal with your dilemma.

 

[Susie570]

Susie, like Katiebear, as I was reading the posts, I was thinking your son has many sensitivities similar to children on the autistic spectum. I am a special needs teacher and I work with and love my Autistic students and the different way they perceive the world.

__________ Tue Apr 28, 2015 3:11 pm __________

Oh, I wanted to add, this may give you some insights as to how to deal with your dilemma.

It might give me some insights, but I think I would have to learn more about what it might mean if he IS 'on the spectrum'. That's one big reason that I do want to have him tested, but I have mixed feelings about it. For one thing, I don't want him to stigmatize himself in any way, so I'm careful not speak 'out loud' about possible labels around him. For another, I don't know, exactly, what difference it makes in the way we need to deal with things. It's all very confusing and I also fear that, in having him evaluated, the person doing the evaluation will ask me why I think he needs to be and I'll be at a total loss to explain it. "Well, he thinks his chicken is slimy" isn't going to cut it. :lol: I mean, it's so difficult to give someone a true picture of what this kid is like during the strange times, and he doesn't do it ALL the time. Most people who interact with him come away saying things like "Wow, he's really smart", if they see him when he's stressed out, they think he's spoiled. I don't know how to handle it exactly and I don't have a lot of other kids to compare him to. I don't even mind my kid being an oddball, we all are, particularly in our families. We're just weird people and that's ok. Heck, maybe he's NORMAL and *I* think it's weird because he isn't weird enough!!!! I don't know

 

[Dood]

The benefit of a diagnosis is learning techniques that have worked for others instead of trying to re-invent the wheel.

If temper tantrums are an issue then learning how to de-escalate a situation before it becomes a full blown breakdown sound like they would be helpful. There could be tips and tricks to get him to eat a balanced diet or try new things and not insist on "comfort foods"

I have Aspergers but thankfully I was a very obedient child and never questioned authority - I did what I was told and shut up about it or suffered the consequences but thankfully capital punishment of children is no longer the norm

My sisters son is like me and noticing the warning signs of when he's getting irrational and changing the subject or letting him go off and read or go for a walk by himself to calm down (his particular coping mechanisms) has really reduced his episodes and the stress levels of the whole family

On a side note - if your son is on the spectrum - he likely does not get sarcasm AT ALL and when you joke about eating rabbits his first reaction will always be (even when he's 43 :mrgreen: ) that you are telling the truth, once he is older he can learn to proceess the comments, body language and situation to determine if they are attempts at humour but i doubt he can do this effectively at 8

 

[curelom]

I think it would be better to say right off that all of these could be meat and we need some meat. If they have good personalities they will be made available as pets for the money and if they are show quality they will be made available to breeders to improve their breeding programs but overall they should always be considered as possibly going for meat first to avoid attachment.

Good point.

That's a good idea, I might see if I can find him some of the Little House books to read... IF he will read them. He LOVES to read, but he's very much into fictional adventure stories right now, and he might object, saying they are 'girl books'.

Maybe he'll read "Farmer Boy." It's one of the Little House books, but instead of being about Laura's childhood, it's about the childhood of her future husband, Almanzo, so maybe it'll be enough of a "boy book" for him. Almanzo grew up on a prosperous farm instead of as a pioneer like Laura, so it doesn't have the wilderness survival aspects as much, but it does deal a lot with the realities of providing for oneself off of one's own land. Maybe it would be a gentler starting point for your boy, though, since it isn't as rough and survival-oriented... I dunno. Of course, they are real stories, instead of fictional adventure, so I don't know if he would go for it, but it might be worth a try. Some people learn very powerfully through stories...

For one thing, I don't want him to stigmatize himself in any way, so I'm careful not speak 'out loud' about possible labels around him.

Yeah, that's definitely understandable. Especially for someone who's highly functional and where people can't necessarily tell easily if something a bit different is going on with them or not, it can sometimes be an emotional thing finding a balance where... labels are used insofar as they're helpful, but can be set aside where they would hold the person back. But it is something that can be worked through, especially with the loving support of family and friends, and if people are treating the person like... they are a person who happens to have a certain label, rather than treating them like they are defined by the label.

It's all very confusing and I also fear that, in having him evaluated, the person doing the evaluation will ask me why I think he needs to be and I'll be at a total loss to explain it. "Well, he thinks his chicken is slimy" isn't going to cut it. I mean, it's so difficult to give someone a true picture of what this kid is like during the strange times, and he doesn't do it ALL the time.

I'm not an expert, and have only worked a little bit with children on the autistic spectrum (like... I've worked with all of two of them, plus having a few friends and relatives, so,... no expert), but to me that sounds completely normal for someone on the autistic spectrum--sometimes it hides itself, sometimes the person may seem normal, and sometimes they seem more like their world runs by slightly rules than other people's. So I don't think that's something you necessarily need to worry about; a person with experience working with these children is going to be understanding, and is going to have worked with parents who are adjusting to a new reality. Of course, children are very diverse, so this sort of thing isn't always obvious, anyway. If you find somebody to do an evaluation for you who loves the children they work with, and celebrates who they really are, it may turn out to be a very good experience for you and your son, whether he walks away from it with a diagnosis or not. Hope that helps.

 

[wamplercathy]

Sit him down and tell him the truth. Yes it will be hard, but rebuilding the trust is harder.

Now, if he is attached to any currently I wouldn't butcher those. If that's the case then a good talk about were food comes from maybe needed. We were sick parents and if the see and say said "the cow goes Moo" we add in little hints about the cow being burger. Like making the burger Moo. My mother said we were sick. But our daughter was the only kid in her 2nd grade class that knew cows were burger.

We have several kids out here on the farm ranging in ages from 6months to 13yrs. With the exception of the infant all the kids know that all the animals have a job to do. Chickens lay eggs and if they can't they are dinner, the cow in the field is for eating not a pet, and so on.

Also any of the critters that are to be food are given food names. Like pork chop, the pig we butchered this pass fall. Steak the bull in the pound paddock. That way it's easier for the younger ones to know the difference. And when I brought home the rabbits they were introduced to all the kids at once, poor bunnies, as coconut cream, cream of tartar, and cumin, all common seasonings that we have around the house.

Try some of these tips. We have school groups, girl scouts troops, and boy scouts troops come and spend some time on a working farm. The calls from the parents afterwards is the worse part. But the kids love it.

 

[katiebear]

fftopic3: I am sorry but when you said you were sick parents it reminded me of Easter before last when we were eating ham for dinner my 6 yr.old then 5..said "ham is pig, right grandma?" I calmly said with a completely straight face,,"Yes honey Grandma shot the Easter pig" I thought my husband would pass mashed potatoes through his nose.. :lol:

 

[wamplercathy]

fftopic3: I am sorry but when you said you were sick parents it reminded me of Easter before last when we were eating ham for dinner my 6 yr.old then 5..said "ham is pig, right grandma?" I calmly said with a completely straight face,,"Yes honey Grandma shot the Easter pig" I thought my husband would pass mashed potatoes through his nose.. :lol:

:coffee-screen: :lol: :lol: :lol: We introduced the rabbits before dinner this past Easter. A visiting teen refused the pulled bunny but everyone else devoured it. It's all in how you raise the little ones. Either way has its pros and cons. But I'm a firm believer in knowing were your food comes from. A trait I hope to pass on to my own.

The last couple of summers we also played "Guess the Dead". :twisted:
I told yall we were sick. :x :lol: :lol:

We also hunt for animal tracks on the river bank. That's normal, Right? :? :shock: :?

 

[Susie570]

The benefit of a diagnosis is learning techniques that have worked for others instead of trying to re-invent the wheel.

If temper tantrums are an issue then learning how to de-escalate a situation before it becomes a full blown breakdown sound like they would be helpful. There could be tips and tricks to get him to eat a balanced diet or try new things and not insist on "comfort foods"

That's what I'm hoping for because most of the clever, thoughtful, progressive and sometimes old fashioned techniques we have tried don't seem to work. Or at least, they don't work 'as expected'. I don't know how many times his reaction to some form of discipline just leaves me with my mouth hanging open.

On a side note - if your son is on the spectrum - he likely does not get sarcasm AT ALL and when you joke about eating rabbits his first reaction will always be (even when he's 43 ) that you are telling the truth, once he is older he can learn to proceess the comments, body language and situation to determine if they are attempts at humour but i doubt he can do this effectively at 8

Wow... no kidding? I didn't even consider that. Can kids usually 'get' sarcasm by this age? We're always like "Come on!!! Don't be so serious! You know we're just kidding!!". Ugh. Well, he's gotten a little better about it though. He even tries to make jokes and tease a bit himself. Sometimes they're really clever and funny, but most of the time we have to tell him that the joke didn't make any sense. Lol

Maybe he'll read "Farmer Boy." It's one of the Little House books, but instead of being about Laura's childhood, it's about the childhood of her future husband, Almanzo, so maybe it'll be enough of a "boy book" for him. Almanzo grew up on a prosperous farm instead of as a pioneer like Laura, so it doesn't have the wilderness survival aspects as much, but it does deal a lot with the realities of providing for oneself off of one's own land. Maybe it would be a gentler starting point for your boy, though, since it isn't as rough and survival-oriented... I dunno. Of course, they are real stories, instead of fictional adventure, so I don't know if he would go for it, but it might be worth a try. Some people learn very powerfully through stories...

I'll look for it, thanks

If you find somebody to do an evaluation for you who loves the children they work with, and celebrates who they really are, it may turn out to be a very good experience for you and your son, whether he walks away from it with a diagnosis or not. Hope that helps.

Thank you If nothing else, they may be able to tell me that he's a pretty normal kid for his age, maybe just smarter than most and offer me some ideas to try with him.

Try some of these tips. We have school groups, girl scouts troops, and boy scouts troops come and spend some time on a working farm. The calls from the parents afterwards is the worse part. But the kids love it.

Thank you. I have an update...

I calmly said with a completely straight face,,"Yes honey Grandma shot the Easter pig" I thought my husband would pass mashed potatoes through his nose..

TOOO funny!!! :lol:

Well, as an update, I felt encouraged by all of this and we had a little talk with him about it tonight. Basically took the approach that it's fun to raise rabbits, but we have to be responsible about it and if we can't sell the babies by the time they reach a certain age, they need to become food for the family.

We reassured him that we would never eat his pet rabbits, and let him talk about which ones those are. He was still upset about it and asked why we couldn't just give them away if we can't sell them and I said it's because we want to try and make sure the bunnies all have great lives and if we give them away, people who don't really care about them will take them. I told him some of the things that happen to rabbits in those circumstances and also explained how it's so much kinder to make sure the rabbit's life ends peacefully and quickly.

He seemed to understand that and he said that he guesses he would be ok with us eating the other rabbits. So, it actually went a lot better than I thought it would. I wouldn't be surprised if he changes his mind later... but it's a good start. I appreciate all of the help.

 

[MamaSheepdog]

Susie, in reading about your son I have also gotten the feeling that he may be "on the spectrum", but he displays only very minor symptoms. It sounds to me like you are all doing just fine on your own, but I would recommend doing some reading on the subject and then deciding whether or not you think having him evaluated might be beneficial.

I would also pay particular attention to the dietary recommendations for those on the spectrum. I don't know if dietary sensitivities are linked specifically to the more severe cases or are part and parcel of the whole spectrum, but going gluten free, avoiding food coloring, and substituting Stevia for sugar as a sweetener often make a huge difference in the frequency and severity of emotional meltdowns.

I would highly recommend reading the book "The Way I see It" (and others) by Temple Grandin for an inside look at how those on the more severe end of the spectrum view the world. She actually has quite a few books now that I have not yet had the pleasure of reading myself.

Here is a link to her website:

http://templegrandin.com/

Also visit the page below, especially the Autism Facts and Resources pages. My good friend and honorary "Sistah" Nancy Alspaugh-Jackson is an Executive Director of ActToday. I was actually the first to tell her and her husband Read that Wyatt was not just "a little different and slower in his development", but had pretty severe Autism with no eye contact, repetitive behaviors, very little language, etc.

She has since become a force to be reckoned with for those on the Autism Spectrum.

http://www.act-today.org

 

[the reluctant farmer]

Susie, you'd mentioned in a different post that you think your child may be gifted. I'm attaching the link to Hoagie's gifted 2E http://www.hoagiesgifted.org/twice_exceptional.htm
Here are some links that deal with public school--ignore them. Others discuss what 2e (twice exceptional ) behaviors might look like: kids who can be brilliant in some regards but have challenges or behaviors that leave you scratching your head in others. It can be useful.

I think everyone gave great advice both on how to break the news about the buns, as well as looking at having your son evaluated. Do trust your gut. You don't owe an evaluator any justification--"he thinks chicken is slimy" is just fine. A good evaluation can be a guidebook to your child's strengths and areas they may need help developing. Many of us are conditioned to see evaluations and diagnoses as labels, like a can marked "peas" that is labeled so no one expects more or less than peas. The place that happens the most is in school, and since you homeschool that issue is moot. Think of an evaluation as a guidebook for a journey: it can help you see where you want to go with your son, places to avoid, what supplies you and your son might need along the way. Your son is still the wonderful & unique creation he is, regardless of what he is "labeled", so continue to celebrate him as a capable, cool kid and use any information you might discover to help strengthen him over the years so he can be an independent, capable, happy adult. Jmho.

 

[Susie570]

Susie, in reading about your son I have also gotten the feeling that he may be "on the spectrum", but he displays only very minor symptoms. It sounds to me like you are all doing just fine on your own, but I would recommend doing some reading on the subject and then deciding whether or not you think having him evaluated might be beneficial.

I would also pay particular attention to the dietary recommendations for those on the spectrum. I don't know if dietary sensitivities are linked specifically to the more severe cases or are part and parcel of the whole spectrum, but going gluten free, avoiding food coloring, and substituting Stevia for sugar as a sweetener often make a huge difference in the frequency and severity of emotional meltdowns.

Thank you. We already have a household where traditional 'junk food's is a rarity. We don't keep candy, (aside from chocolate, sometimes), we don't do flavored drinks, we have minimized, but not eliminated, gluten (we tried 'gluten free' for about a month, but gave up because, in part, we discovered it was impossible to keep other people... namely my mom, from giving him gluten when she was watching him). The fact that we already are pretty careful about what we ALL eat may be responsible for why his behaviours aren't as intense as they might otherwise be. Considering how intense they already CAN be, at times, that's a scary thought.

I'm a little leery of products like stevia. I know it's 'natural' and all, but honestly, we don't add sugar to anything anyway, so I don't see that it would make a difference. We use raw sugar, but I'm really the ONLY one who uses it for anything and that's in my morning coffee.

I would highly recommend reading the book "The Way I see It" (and others) by Temple Grandin for an inside look at how those on the more severe end of the spectrum view the world. She actually has quite a few books now that I have not yet had the pleasure of reading myself.

Here is a link to her website:

http://templegrandin.com/

Also visit the page below, especially the Autism Facts and Resources pages. My good friend and honorary "Sistah" Nancy Alspaugh-Jackson is an Executive Director of ActToday. I was actually the first to tell her and her husband Read that Wyatt was not just "a little different and slower in his development", but had pretty severe Autism with no eye contact, repetitive behaviors, very little language, etc.

She has since become a force to be reckoned with for those on the Autism Spectrum.

http://www.act-today.org

That looks very informative. Thank you. I will read it.

Susie, you'd mentioned in a different post that you think your child may be gifted. I'm attaching the link to Hoagie's gifted 2E http://www.hoagiesgifted.org/twice_exceptional.htm
Here are some links that deal with public school--ignore them. Others discuss what 2e (twice exceptional ) behaviors might look like: kids who can be brilliant in some regards but have challenges or behaviors that leave you scratching your head in others. It can be useful.

I will do that as well, thank you

A good evaluation can be a guidebook to your child's strengths and areas they may need help developing. Many of us are conditioned to see evaluations and diagnoses as labels, like a can marked "peas" that is labeled so no one expects more or less than peas. The place that happens the most is in school, and since you homeschool that issue is moot. Think of an evaluation as a guidebook for a journey: it can help you see where you want to go with your son, places to avoid, what supplies you and your son might need along the way. Your son is still the wonderful & unique creation he is, regardless of what he is "labeled", so continue to celebrate him as a capable, cool kid and use any information you might discover to help strengthen him over the years so he can be an independent, capable, happy adult. Jmho.

Wow. Those comments literally just brought me to tears. I'm not sure why, but they really just struck a chord with me. Thank you, so much. That is exactly what I'm hoping for.

 

[Dood]

While some advocates for autism want to "fix" those on the spectrum (usually parent run groups ) and make them neurotypical, others want the world to embrace them and in today's society where "geek" and "nerd" are not always considered insults and shows like "The Big Bang Theory" are hugely popular it is easier to be accepted as different

http://en.m.wikipedia.org/wiki/Neurodiversity

http://en.m.wikipedia.org/wiki/Autism_rights_movement

 

[Schipperkesue]

Susie, the people who evaluate children for Autism and other issues are some of the most kind and caring people I have ever met. Their empathy knows no bounds. So if you are worried about them asking why you think he may be on the spectrum, just say, "he thinks some chicken is slimy" or perhaps rephrase it to "he has issues with texture in foods'. They will completely understand you either way.

They will also help you find the right wording and circumstances for the tough conversation you are about to have.

Autistic people possess that 'outside the box' thinking that is invaluable in a society. The thought of Autism should not be feared, but embraced.

 

[curelom]

Susie, I think you're already doing real well with your son just by not thinking of him as "broken". Whether or not you decide to go for an evaluation, just seeing him as the individual he is no matter what words might be used to describe him may make the biggest difference. I'm sure we'll all be here to support you no matter how that goes. If you do decide to do the evaluation, and if he does turn out to be on the spectrum, it may be a good experience for him to realize, "Hey, there's other people like me in ways that I thought I was the only one!"

I'm glad your conversation with him about using the rabbits for meat went so well. It sounds like a good step forward!

 

[katiebear]

The thought of Autism should not be feared, but embraced.

I wish this were main stream thinking,,I know why people are afraid of the diagnosis and the labels..Most people see Autism as a problem because of the wideness of the spectrum. An Aspy for example can function completely normally and no one would guess they are Autistic. Most people hear the word Autism and automatically jump to the conclusion that these are "retarded"(Oh how I hate that word) kids that can never function in any situation...very frightening thought..and not completely untrue.
People like Bill Gates for example. He is not diagnosed, but some experts say he is Aspy.. then there is the other end of the spectrum..
Now people like my Taylor,who are obviously not like everyone else.. His behaviors,Ecolaila, pacing, facial and body tics,ect.. just frighten some people.
Because the disorder has no obvious outward physical signs, like Downs syndrome, or Cerebral palsy,people just think they are rude or weird.... we have had strangers shout at him even had one woman take a strike at him, Thank God she missed or I would have laid her out. : :x :evil: :evil: . He bumped into her in line, she over reacted. We told her he has Autism and she just glared at us and stated that he should be kept "under control" :evil: :evil: :evil: What do they want us to do? put him in a cage? If you use a "child leash" you are accused of being abusive too..He has to be taken out into society to learn how to function. It really bothers me how people react, and I know it is fear based, but that doesn't make it any easier...
Sorry about the rant....this is why I think people are stupid and mean, and why I personally hate labels...

 

[Schipperkesue]

About 20 years ago I worked one on one with a 10 year old boy with Autism. We were working through a great workbook together that helped him understand his Autism and how to turn it from what most people considered a disability to an asset. I wish I remember the title...

Anyway, the book described people like this: Like computers, people run on an operation system. Most of us have Windows in our brains, but some of us are Apples. Those with an Apple operating system get the job done just like those with Windows. Our brains just run a little differently.

 

[Susie570]

While some advocates for autism want to "fix" those on the spectrum (usually parent run groups ) and make them neurotypical, others want the world to embrace them and in today's society where "geek" and "nerd" are not always considered insults and shows like "The Big Bang Theory" are hugely popular it is easier to be accepted as different

http://en.m.wikipedia.org/wiki/Neurodiversity

http://en.m.wikipedia.org/wiki/Autism_rights_movement

Trust me, I have no problem with my kid being 'different'. My main concerns are that he's able to overcome some obstacles that he's having trouble with and be able to be a 'happy kid' most of the time. Well, he IS pretty happy MOST of the time, I guess, but there are certain areas he has a lot of difficulty in and those things are big enough to worry me for his future, if I'm unable to help him through them properly. :/ <br /><br /> __________ Wed Apr 29, 2015 2:09 pm __________ <br /><br />

About 20 years ago I worked one on one with a 10 year old boy with Autism. We were working through a great workbook together that helped him understand his Autism and how to turn it from what most people considered a disability to an asset. I wish I remember the title...

Anyway, the book described people like this: Like computers, people run on an operation system. Most of us have Windows in our brains, but some of us are Apples. Those with an Apple operating system get the job done just like those with Windows. Our brains just run a little differently.

Being a nerd I really like that

If they do end up telling me he's 'on the spectrum', I guess the only issue I have with 'labels' is that he would either think that means there is something 'wrong' with him, or that he would think he could use it as an excuse for poor behavior. We're already a bunch of oddballs in this family and heck, probably ALL of us are 'on the spectrum' if someone were to really evaluate us, but I'm hoping that he won't have to deal with some of the struggles that some of us have had to deal with in our lives, without ANY help or support, often ending up in really bad life situations because of it.

Anyway, I'm probably starting to 'overshare' now. I really appreciate the thoughtfulness in this forum!