For you teenagers or mothers of teenagers

[Prisma]

It just seems fishy that he's wanting her to sign, even if it was brought up by parents/church, why weren't the other parents involved first? I'd check in with the other parents, see if they even know what he's up to.

 

[paradox]

If he made the commitment then it would be perfectly natural for him to ask the girl he is dating if she wants to sign one too. This is a really common program (programs) done all the time in youth groups. If you want to research it one of the really popular ones is called "true love waits". It really isn't any giant conspiracy to control anyone who doesn't want to sign. Heck - not all the kids who attend the program make the pledge. These programs have been around for more than a decade. It is NOT a high pressure thing and if she doesn't believe in it then there is no need for her to sign it.

 

[Cspr]

Hmmm. I'd be more concerned that he is far more oblivious than your daughter rather than anything else. XD Bit odd, but, well, teens fumble a lot when trying to figure out their relationships. I'm seventeen and, I suppose fairly luckily, I've been through a lot in my near two decades on this planet. I'm very suspicious of people as a defense mechanism and, because of that, I've never even gone on a one-on-one date. All I know is that a lot of very religious boys, whether Christian or other, can often see girls as Lilith figures. Temptation. "Please sign this and prove you won't try to seduce me?" I hear. Very nervous. Abstinence from sex as an immature person is a good idea, but often they leave out, you know, anything but "Don't do this." Nobody wants to talk about the specifics of what you're not supposed to do or how relationships are even meant to work. It might be a good idea, like others have suggested, to sit him down and just ask what he meant by it, what he wants to mean to your daughter, etc. As I always say, if someone can't explain in words what they want, they're not ready for it.

 

[ckcs]

I suspect the idea came from the boys parents. As a father of a 17 year old daughter, having a boy asking her to enter in a non sexual relationship is A OK with me. I know of purity rings but am not familiar with a purity card. It wouldn't offend me at all, nor do I view it as controlling. I gather the boy (and or his parents) wish to be upfront with their stance on pre marital sex and would like to date someone with similar views. My daughter is planning on waiting until she is married to have sex and it doesn't come from a religious point of view. I actually went to church the first time in 20 years last weekend (my daughter did not).

 

[dayna]

I don't really care if my daughter waits till shes married or if she even gets married. She just knows she's not ready right now.

And frankly at her age, she has a lot of living to do before she even decides if she's going to be with a man, woman, or whatever and how they'll even define their relationship.

 

[paradox]

I should probably add that I was not trying to debate or argue against your beliefs or the way you have raised your daughter either. I was just trying to explain that it is a fairly common program and not just some weird thing the boy came up with on his own.

 

[lilrabbitry715]

As a mother of a teenage girl, I would tell her to end the relationship. The notion could be construed as offensive in and of its self. If he knows her family is nonreligious then the only reason for card is to make him feel secure. If he is insecure at that age well we won't go there.

My daughter had a similar instance where a boy believed she was his soul mate and started basically grooming her for intercourse. I discussed the situation with her and she said she was intimidated by his persistence so I ended the relationship. This boy turned into satan and wished me death and destruction in my already miserable life!

 

[skysthelimit]

If he knows her family is nonreligious then the only reason for card is to make him feel secure. If he is insecure at that age well we won't go there.

And he may be trying to convert her. That is what Evangelical Christians do. I can bet this is not the only conversation he's had with her about where her values lie.

I'm not about the business of converting men just so I can have a boy friend, but I know people who do, who like someone who does not have the same beliefs, and they think they can pull them in an it will be ok. Generally it backfires.

 

[dayna]

Well if he's trying to convert her, he has a bumpy road. I'm going to see how this plays out. Hes coming over to visit from his side of the island on Saturday.

Myself and my husband believe in God. We do not go to church nor do we want to.

My daughter on the other hand is very much wrapped up in the science of it all. She's been that way since she was little. Never believed in Santa, easter bunny, toothfairy, etc.

 

[lilrabbitry715]

See you daughter sounds like she has good head on her shoulders. Kudos to you as that us not common now days.

Just pray she does get caught up in him and Change her self. She truly sounds like an intelligent young woman!

 

[OneAcreFarm]

So my daughter (16) has been dating this boy (17) for a while now. He lives a couple hours away.

His family is somewhat religious. We.. are not. We believe in God, doing good works, leading by example, etc etc. But NOT going to church.

Anyway...

The boy wants my daughter to sign a "purity card".

We (including the daughter) were pretty offended. I mean, I raised her to be able to made good choices.

She does not need some piece of paper to keep her from having adult relations! She is a smart capable young woman. Why on earth would she be unable to control herself? Why would HE be unable to control himself?

I just don't get it. Does this make any sense to anyone else? She has the self confidence and self worth to know she's worth waiting for. We talk about sex on a regular basis in our household. It's not something dirty, it's a fact of life, but one that should be partaken of when older and emotionally ready.

Coming from a similar background as this young man, I can help explain. It's not that he thinks he (or she) cannot control themselves, this boy is giving your daughter an amazing compliment. He is saying that he values her dignity and he respects her so much he is willing to make a pledge to protect her body and her purity while he is involved in a relationship with her. And, since it is obviously important to him to wait for sex until marriage, he is asking for the same commitment from her. He is asking her to help him to keep his promise to not only her, but to himself as well. My 17yo daughter did something similar, just for herself. She wears a ring on her left hand as a symbol that she is saving sex, and herself, for the man she marries.

Seen in this light, it says a lot about the young man and his feelings toward your daughter. He respects her enough to take this step, and that is a good thing....

 

[dayna]

Well, his visit went really well.

He is a nice young man, very respectful and caring. He brought her Christmas gift. I was amazed! He hand made her 9 thin hammered rings in yellow gold, rose gold and silver. He MADE them. One of his teachers runs a jewelry business on etsy and he helped her fill her orders during Iron Man (she was in Iron Man so pretty busy). He learned how to make these amazing rings and made them for my daughter. She is wearing them on her left ring finger.... So I don't know how I feel about that but he put a lot of work into them and they care about each other so I'll see what happens.

 

[skysthelimit]

He must be impressive. She sounds like she knows what she's doing.
As long as he's open and honest, and she is too, things can work out fine. In this day and age, it's a rare thing to meet a man that respects a woman for me than sex.