Trying to do the Christian thing

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Jack

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Actually it's the Decent thing, and a few religions have Christianity beat on this subject (Sikh for ones)
One of my wife's friends has kicked her daughter out, the girl isn't bad, she fought in school (kicked some serious ass actually)
and ended up dropping, out, busted her leg showing her horses so she was unable to attend WV Challenge Academy (the NG military academy)
and then generally failed to make any progress in life.

Eventually her and her mom fought, and she's been homeless for the last 8 months couch surfing friends houses, her mom is the type that can only like one daughter at a time, and she was pretty much there to baby sit her brother, who's now 11 and doesn't need a babysitter. She has issues, she reads at about a 3rd grade level (Kanawah County, Herbert Hoover High (for those in WV) and defiantly has learning disabilities, her mom and dad just racked it up to her being lazy and stupid.

My wife and I have always told her that are there for her, and if she needs place, call.
Well she did.

So, now how do you get a new minted 18 year old, who knows NOTHING about life, across the country, and into a high school completion program
I don't want us to be just another place to sleep, I'd rather her actually get a life, and progress to being an adult, I have seen WAY to many of my wife's freinds and relatives get drawn down into the bullshit of drugs and stupidity that seem to permeate certain places in WV, too many people with real potential get a kid, welfare and pills. I don't want her to go that way She could help us, and would almost be a god send, BUT, I want more for her than to baby sit my kids, I can do that myself(thank you VERY much) and I don't want to invite someone else's problems either.

Guess this is kinda a rant. I'm waiting on her to tell me she has a FOR SURE ride to Charleston's Yeager airport before I buy the ticket. Neither her mom or sisters will lift a damn finger, hell the poor girl doesn't even have a ID
 
Jack, I think you are doing a fine thing trying to help this girl turn her life around and build a future for herself.

I am a bit concerned though that she may not be in a good head space to accept help and may, in desperation, just be looking for a port in the storm. Have you been able to discuss the future with her? Does she understand that you want her to go back to school and pick up the pieces of her life? Does she have substance abuse problems that might impact your own family? Just some middle-of-the-night insomnia thoughts that occur to me. I'm sure these questions have been in your own mind too.

I really hope this works out to be a win/win situation for all concerned. :clover: :clover: :clover:
 
school yes
drugs no, not that we can find out about
and yes she has a plan, get her diploma or GED and get in a heavy equipment apprenticeship.
 
Jack, that kid is NOT getting on a plane without a valid photo ID-- She'll need her birth certificate and SS number/card. The name/address on the ticket must match the ID.
There is a couple in Florida that is helping one of my kids straighten her life out--They were the local people she could turn to when her stepmother was wreaking havoc in the lives of my children. Long distance, low income mothering is not an easy thing to do!!
If she can get herself together enough to get the needed paperwork tomake air flight possible, then she is probably committed enough. She needs to be aware that she must 'work' to support herself, and heck, if she decides your place is too tough-- there will be no one to buy her a ticket back outside. I doubt, that at 18, there are any testing [programs available to help diagnose the type of learning disability she may have, but careful observation may very well make some aspects of her SLD visible. I had actually found a way to help my daughter before she was diagnosed-- it IS possible. An Adult readingprogram can help, as well.
Best of luck, Jack- and thanks for caring about children other than your own--
 
My in-laws tried this with a friend of their daughter's. Her mother died when she was around 14, dad had already divorced and moved on to another family leaving friend and her older sister to raise themselves in a trailer below their grandparents. The friend's last year of high school the owner decided to sell the trailer and booted the girls out. In-laws invited friend to stay with them to finish high school here rather than move somewhere else. It didn't go well. She was, apparently, a really nice girl at one point but after she moved in with them started down the druggie path. One morning a strange guy came downstairs (she was living in the attic bedroom) after she'd left for work. Apparently her "boyfriend" had spent the night and she just left him there when she went off to school. Another time she had one boyfriend upstairs with her while another slept out in her car (parked outside MY house - I threw quite the fit over that one). It kept getting worse and eventually she took to stealing. FIL refused to ask her to leave, demand any kind of rehab or counseling, or really talk to her about it at all. Hubby and I were concerned enough to actually buy a safe and start keeping everything locked up tight when we weren't home (our house is next to my in-laws). Thankfully she did manage to graduate (basic HS, she flunked out of her tech nursing program) and left on her own shortly thereafter.

That is, of course, not to say it can't work, and it's seriously commendable of you to want to help. I'm with Terry - if the girl is serious enough about coming to get herself an ID or whatever she needs to get on the plane, it's a good sign. Before you get to that point, though, I'd have a very clear conversation with her about exactly what you expect her responsibilities to be while living with you and what happens if she doesn't meet them. Do you put her on a plane back where she came from? Boot her out the door? How, in good conscience, can you deal with her if living with you doesn't work out? I really hope she's a good kid at heart who was dealt a bad deal and just needs a hand to get herself on track. My experience has just made me leery, and I'd want to feel like I had my bases covered before I brought her that far to come stay with me.

As a side note, most of the schools here in WV horrify me. I survived them and did fine, but I think Morgantown has better schools than a lot of areas in the state. Even so, I think they're going downhill. Maybe it's everywhere in the country. I know some of the teacher's in Morgantown and they're fantastic but they're struggling with obnoxious, brat kids they have no real power to help or control, and who ruin the class for everyone else. Hubby and I plan to homeschool.
 
Jack,

I agree that you need to lay down some ground rules for her BEFORE she comes to your home. If she can accept them, then let her come. She is legally an adult and needs to get at LEAST an ID for herself. My husband is dyslexic, lost his father at 8, his mother is a nut job and he basically raised himself. He managed to graduate HS, get himself into the MarineCorps reserves, graduate Summa Cum Laude from College, finished a Master's degree and is currently working on a PhD...All that to say, if she wants it bad enough she will do it. BUT that is the kicker....she has to want it for herself. We will be praying for her and you as well. BTW, has she considered the military? Even the reserves? She could get the training she wants and she would learn how to take care of herself. She would need a GED though. Just a thought...
 
Good luck, Jack. I hope it works out and she gets the help she hasn't yet had. You are a brave and wonderful person to even try.
 
I've considered many things, and with my own kids, well if I ever give them the boot and the front door, they will land in 5 recruiters, with me yelling 'theres you ride, pick one'

Um military, yeah, I don't think now (especially now and with her not having a HS diploma) that she would be a candidate.
Most of her friends have been helping her, but her mom is one of those controlling octopus moms, I'm sure she has ruined more than a few of this kids relationships and is more than willing to keep friends from helping her.

As for help, I may not be able to buy her a ticked back to the lower 48, BUT I do as least have a FINAL plan, that's the Covenant House, its a Quaker teen shelter with a program specifically for kids like her.

As for education, in Alaska there are a number of publicly funded programs to either assist an older person to get their GED or in her case, actually a alternative High School Completion program, but unlike HS, there are no teachers, it's basically a internet home-school with tutors. BUT they also test and assist with learning disabilities.
 
Jack, it sounds like you've got an outline of a plan going, and you've got some good advice here. You just have to know that you have the ability to actually make her leave if she doesn't keep moving forward, or gets into drugs or something.

It's a very good thing you are trying to do. :)
 
I dropped out of HS when I was a kid and ended up in Denali at 19...but really that's neither here nor there.

The bottom line is I went and got my GED a couple of years ago at Greenstar here downtown. They have a lot of good programs at almost zero cost, but I found it difficult to get into town for the very specific class times since I didn't have a car at the time and lived in Girdwood. And honestly, I don't even know where that stupid piece of paper is anymore. Nobody's ever asked for it, I can't tell that it's made any real difference in my life.

There are a lot of great construction classes in both Anchorage and the valley and there are still a lot of opportunities up here for a young woman in her situation, if she can just get here and prove her interest in turning her life around.

Good luck.
 
Check with your local HS to find out options for getting a high school equivalency or a GED. The counselors there will know all the things available to you/her. Even if it's an adult learning thing. Or can at least point you in the right direction for your locality. (here we have a college run program that is free..they meet up at the high school 2nights a week....as well as quite a few privately run courses)

Alaska is a LONG way from anywhere if she or you decide it's not working. Personally, I'd suggest some sort of contract...in writing...that you both sign. You put down what you're willing to do (minimum requirements) and what she has to do in return. (again..minimum requirements). Or at least tell her that you both have to agree to a...6month?...trial period. Access how things are going in 3 months, make changes necessary, and then re-access at 6 months.

Do you have a peer group there for her? Being dropped into a family is pretty hard...being dropped in from West Virginia into Alaska is going to be culture shock! :)

Good luck with it, Jack. You should be able to help her. It's worth the effort.

eta: almost forgot...there ARE services available to adults to check on learning disabilities. Colleges have them to check on students who are having problems; my phyician does learning assessments on adults; and often the Jobs place(i'm blanking on the term) where you go to find jobs in the county? can arrange for testing.
 
I threw quite the fit over that one). It kept getting worse and eventually she took to stealing. FIL refused to ask her to leave, demand any kind of rehab or counseling, or really talk to her about it at all. Hubby and I were concerned enough to actually buy a safe and start keeping everything locked up tight when we weren't home (our house is next to my in-laws). Thankfully she did manage to graduate (basic HS, she flunked out of her tech nursing program) and left on her own shortly thereafter.
 
Wishing you the best, and hoping all goes well for all of you. Not an easy thing you're taking on, but it's a wonderful thing you are trying to do for her.
 
Jack, this is an out-of-the-box suggestion, but you might see about getting this book into her hands: The Teenage Liberation Handbook. http://www.amazon.com/Teenage-Liber...9170/ref=sr_1_1?ie=UTF8&qid=1316524623&sr=8-1

It's an older book, written first I think in the early '90s, and for teenagers who want to leave school and design their own educations. It's radical, but also incredibly empowering for folks who didn't have quite the "typical" schooling experience, and who need a little help taking control of and responsibility for their own lives.
 

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