HUGE decision to make...

[alforddm]

I hope I'm not out of line by posting this. I almost deleted it but then decided to go ahead.

Remember, God is in control. If this is not something you can decide without such extreme anxiety, then maybe it is time for you to let go of the decision. Lift your husband up in prayer and trust that he and God will make the right decision.

MaggieJ's suggestion may be in order as well. Valarian root may help but herbal meds often are not as strong as prescription meds.

25 “Therefore I tell you, do not worry about your life, what you will eat or drink; or about your body, what you will wear. Is not life more than food, and the body more than clothes? 26 Look at the birds of the air; they do not sow or reap or store away in barns, and yet your heavenly Father feeds them. Are you not much more valuable than they? 27 Can any one of you by worrying add a single hour to your life[a]?

28 “And why do you worry about clothes? See how the flowers of the field grow. They do not labor or spin. 29 Yet I tell you that not even Solomon in all his splendor was dressed like one of these. 30 If that is how God clothes the grass of the field, which is here today and tomorrow is thrown into the fire, will he not much more clothe you—you of little faith? 31 So do not worry, saying, ‘What shall we eat?’ or ‘What shall we drink?’ or ‘What shall we wear?’ 32 For the pagans run after all these things, and your heavenly Father knows that you need them. 33 But seek first his kingdom and his righteousness, and all these things will be given to you as well. 34 Therefore do not worry about tomorrow, for tomorrow will worry about itself. Each day has enough trouble of its own.

 

[FourRingCircus]

I hope I'm not out of line by posting this. I almost deleted it but then decided to go ahead.

Remember, God is in control. If this is not something you can decide without such extreme anxiety, then maybe it is time for you to let go of the decision. Lift your husband up in prayer and trust that he and God will make the right decision.

MaggieJ's suggestion may be in order as well. Valarian root may help but herbal meds often are not as strong as prescription meds.

25 “Therefore I tell you, do not worry about your life, what you will eat or drink; or about your body, what you will wear. Is not life more than food, and the body more than clothes? 26 Look at the birds of the air; they do not sow or reap or store away in barns, and yet your heavenly Father feeds them. Are you not much more valuable than they? 27 Can any one of you by worrying add a single hour to your life[a]?

28 “And why do you worry about clothes? See how the flowers of the field grow. They do not labor or spin. 29 Yet I tell you that not even Solomon in all his splendor was dressed like one of these. 30 If that is how God clothes the grass of the field, which is here today and tomorrow is thrown into the fire, will he not much more clothe you—you of little faith? 31 So do not worry, saying, ‘What shall we eat?’ or ‘What shall we drink?’ or ‘What shall we wear?’ 32 For the pagans run after all these things, and your heavenly Father knows that you need them. 33 But seek first his kingdom and his righteousness, and all these things will be given to you as well. 34 Therefore do not worry about tomorrow, for tomorrow will worry about itself. Each day has enough trouble of its own.

Not out of line at all - a very good prayer to pray. I have been praying for peace for the decision I feel he has already made, but so far just more tears. I want to lay it down, but how do you keep from picking it back up? That's my problem .

DH is a very optimistic, happy go lucky, even keeled guy. I can sense the disappointment he has that I'm struggling with this, making it that much harder (I can read him like a book). I know he wants to do this. I know he wants a fresh start. I know he's excited. He has his two best guys already up there. He's looking at houses by water for fishing. (I will say he's also looking at houses with my quilting in mind, but I feel like that's all I'm going to have.) He's excited about a new church, decluttering during the move process. I told him tonight that I've had the realization that already things will never be the same, even with the suggestion that we were thinking about moving for 3-5 years, which is hard. I don't want to hold him back if this is what he wants... it's his job, he graciously calls it "our job" and "our money" but he's the one going in every day. 3-5 years is nothing in the grand scheme, but at the end I feel like I am going to be back where I am right now. Uprooting from any friends I might have made (not that it's an easy process for me - I can talk to a brick wall, sure, but those deep down relationships are tough), a church we will likely get involved with, friends the kids will make. I don't want to do temporary, but I also don't want to do permanent.

This stinks.

I will probably call the doc tomorrow... this is a miserable place to be. It's been a while since I've hit this low.



DH made a point tonight... part of my retreat tactic this weekend has been quilting... the subject matter is less than stellar (memory quilt from tshirts with demonic messages... not one I wanted to do, but the mom asked. She gave me the option not to based on the content, but the only other quilter would be SIL and it was going to be too much for her. We prayed over them first). I am going to put 2 of the last 4 borders on, and take it out to the car. Switch over to a baby quilt or something more positive.

 

[Nymphadora]

He's looking at houses by water for fishing. (I will say he's also looking at houses with my quilting in mind, but I feel like that's all I'm going to have.) He's excited about a new church, decluttering during the move process. I told him tonight that I've had the realization that already things will never be the same, even with the suggestion that we were thinking about moving for 3-5 years, which is hard. I don't want to hold him back if this is what he wants... it's his job, he graciously calls it "our job" and "our money" but he's the one going in every day. 3-5 years is nothing in the grand scheme, but at the end I feel like I am going to be back where I am right now. Uprooting from any friends I might have made (not that it's an easy process for me - I can talk to a brick wall, sure, but those deep down relationships are tough), a church we will likely get involved with, friends the kids will make. I don't want to do temporary, but I also don't want to do permanent.

I’ve been keeping up with this thread from the beginning, but being fairly young I felt I didn’t have much to add until now. I can’t tell you which way will be right for you, but I can share what I have experienced.

My husband decided to pursue a career across the country from where we were living when we were both in college together. As soon as I graduated, I moved out there with him. Away from family, away from friends, away from a house to a little apartment. But it was ours, and we had an amazing time in the middle of nowhere because we got to focus on what we had always wanted to do, not what our parents or friends or anyone else expected from us. I’d never really believed I’d been held back when we lived close to family or friends, but it was always busy, always schedules to be worked out and events we were expected to attend that didn’t always mesh well with our personal goals or plans. Out in the country, away from all that, we got to make our own plans (which yes, could be hard if you want to be constantly surrounded by other people you enjoy the company of, but we enjoyed being on our own a bit). Making new friends was difficult at first (for me, DH had instant friends in the fire department he worked at).

I did make a few friends though, and I didn’t completely lose touch with anyone from back home, either. By year 3 out on our own, I was settling into a really happy place where we were. We had visited back home a few times (and we had to fly across country, there was no way to drive in a reasonable amount of time) and some of our family had come out to visit us on occasion. There was a sense of finally being in control of our own lives, and we could choose whom to make time for because it was a huge time and money commitment (or we could use that as an excuse, anyway). Well, fast forward just a touch to year 4… last year. We made the decision to move back home because DH’s career had more opportunities to grow if we did (California has a bigger budget for fire departments than South Carolina did, for good reason). I miss our routine, our friends, and our home back in the country now, having moved back. And we are looking at moving a little further from our family here again (an hour or two, just to give us a little space). But I still talk with one of my best friends that I made in SC almost daily. I think that if DH’s career had had more opportunity to grow out there, we might have stayed.

All this is just to say that it might be the eye-opener of a lifetime to help you find what you really want. We realized that while we liked our friends and family close, we didn’t want them too close (it just led to people making plans and expecting us to be there because we were so nearby). And we noticed that being on the other side of the country didn’t stop the people that really cared about us from reaching out just to chat or coming to visit on occasion. It made those visits special in a way that we hadn’t expected, because we actively planned those trips to make the most of everyone’s time.

Maybe try house-hunting online yourself a little… see what’s out there, and show your hubby the houses with the best craft space! It might help get you in a better frame of mind for the move…

DH made a point tonight... part of my retreat tactic this weekend has been quilting... the subject matter is less than stellar (memory quilt from tshirts with demonic messages... not one I wanted to do, but the mom asked. She gave me the option not to based on the content, but the only other quilter would be SIL and it was going to be too much for her. We prayed over them first). I am going to put 2 of the last 4 borders on, and take it out to the car. Switch over to a baby quilt or something more positive.

:x Yikes! Get to work on something more fun and happy pronto!

 

[alforddm]

FourRingCircus wrote:
DH made a point tonight... part of my retreat tactic this weekend has been quilting... the subject matter is less than stellar (memory quilt from tshirts with demonic messages... not one I wanted to do, but the mom asked. She gave me the option not to based on the content, but the only other quilter would be SIL and it was going to be too much for her. We prayed over them first). I am going to put 2 of the last 4 borders on, and take it out to the car. Switch over to a baby quilt or something more positive.

Yikes! Get to work on something more fun and happy pronto!

:yeahthat:

I just wanted you to know you have been on my mind alot today and I have been praying for you.

 

[FourRingCircus]

Thank you all... so much!

Nymphadora - age and experience are totally separate entities I appreciate your POV on it!

I’d never really believed I’d been held back when we lived close to family or friends, but it was always busy, always schedules to be worked out and events we were expected to attend that didn’t always mesh well with our personal goals or plans.

This... exactly.

I talked to one lady today and she knows me, she knows the family, she knows the church... she can see it from an outsiders viewpoint. She said they moved away after her children were grown (right at 18) and told them they could come if they wanted. One did, one didn't. She was able to finally find who she was. She was no longer so-and-so's daughter, she was Tammy. I am looking forward to that aspect. I told DH a little while back that I wasn't sure who I was anymore because I felt like I couldn't be myself - nothing I do is right . I can't even wash dishes to their satisfaction. I have never been a decisive person, but I lack total ability to make a decision and it's because for so many years it was always the wrong one. Now, if they ask me something, I just refer them to DH :roll: . I think that tendency is what totally paralyzed me this weekend. I am a people pleaser to a fault I want to make everyone happy, but it just can't happen.

Overall, I am doing much much better today. I can talk about it without crying, and am actually trying to get a little excited about things. I did find a house that is almost exactly what we would want, right price range, but the commute is about 36 minutes (not that far distance wise, but you have to go down and around a nature preserve - about 10 minutes more than DH was hoping for), and looking at Google Maps there are some major power lines out back that I am not a fan of (and I am thinking that wouldn't be good for the bees we want to get, not to mention I am pretty sensitive to certain things and it might cause health issues for me) https://www.zillow.com/homedetails/99-R ... ba-address . I am still praying for peace for DH's decision - I don't want him to pass up a really cool opportunity because I am an emotional wreck :x . I mean, how often will he get the chance to start his own plant?? I'm still terrified. I'm still not wanting to leave. But I'm becoming more OK with it. I did stop tonight at the natural foods place and get some "Stress Response" supplements - mostly Holy Basil and Siberian Rhodiola - all 3 people working there spoke highly of the stuff (same ingredients as the Adrenal Response as well, which I am sure won't hurt me one bit). I took one after supper, and just took another one (2, 2x/day) but I'm thinking I don't need that much - feeling a bit loopy now :lol: , not sure if it's the supplements, the tea I'm drinking, lack of sleep, or maybe a combination of things?. DH is finding it quite entertaining :roll: . I have talked to a number of people about things today and am inching my way towards peace... and the drastic difference between yesterday and today is encouraging, although who knows what tomorrow may hold.

The two ladies at the dance studio (owner and office mgr) asked if I had prayed, I said yes, the best I can right now. Then asked if I had felt a nudging either direction. Yes, but I think I am in denial . I don't know what I have typed out on here and what I haven't at this point, especially in my emotional venting this weekend, but I do wonder if this is what God has been prepping us for. We have felt like change was coming for a couple of years, leaning towards a move of some sort, then KLOVE was talking about WV, I found an article about a ministry that was exactly what I was looking for, in WV (now I need to go back and find it and see where!). I felt like I needed to stop investing in this property for now (compost and such, which I think I mentioned before).... Several other things. WV. Blah. :roll:

Funny house story - a couple weeks ago I had a dream. DH had found and bought a house (we were newlyweds, I think? maybe I just assumed) without my input. He was so proud of himself! It was even fully furnished. SO he's showing me around and it looked pretty good, until... we go upstairs. There are a couple of Christmas trees still set up and decorated. OK, weird. Then I see a child/baby playing under the tree. No one else can see him. FREAKED ME OUT. He sent me a posting today. Super cool old log house. https://www.zillow.com/savedhomes/for_s ... 1_rs/1_fr/

Then you get to this pic:



Oh... heck.... no... :shock:

He thought it was hilarious when he put two and two together, but agreed maybe it was best we didn't go there :lol:

 

[Nymphadora]

Nymphadora - age and experience are totally separate entities I appreciate your POV on it!

Anything to help!

Overall, I am doing much much better today. I can talk about it without crying, and am actually trying to get a little excited about things.

It's good to hear you're feeling even a little bit better. Little improvements are still improvements, as dad says (although I reckon he uses it as an excuse to do less chores around the house :roll: ). :cheesysmile:

 

[macksmom98]

Wow-this is a lot to process, even on virtually just listening to it all. I think anyone would have trouble with a decision like this, sounds like there are many layers. I would also look to natural ways to help with anxiety. I sell suppliments that have helped me a lot, and oranges are supposed to be a natural mood booster. And as hard as it might be, taking the extra time to continue to cook healthy meals and limit caffine while drinking a lot of water will help a lot too, if you arent already doing it.

I am so sorry that things have come to this for you, and I am pretty sure that once a decision is made it will make you feel a lot better, because the plug has been pulled and you will just move forward either way.

 

[SarniaTricia]

Four Ring....
I am trying hard not to cry after reading your posts from the weekend.... so sorry you are struggling with this.

Praying for balance for you.
We are given a lot of paths to pick from ever day.
Sometimes what we want and what we need don't always line up; emotionally.
I honestly believe that you have been given the path you need.... you just have to wrap your head around the fear of change.

The most exciting and rewarding experiences are often on the other side of fear.
Acknowledge that fear... respect it... but then choose to work through it to the other side.

Talk to whoever will listen to find your balance... we are all here for you!

Love, Peace and Blessings
Patricia

 

[FourRingCircus]

Made it home from our peek at WV. It's crazy the amount of people tucked in every nook and cranny! We ruled out about 90% of the area for where we would want to live (pretty much east of 81 is a no-go). Inwood is pretty run down - it's considered a "bedroom community" so people sleep and commute. Bars and strip clubs on every corner. The high school was ridiculous! It was HUGE! Maybe a county school? Once 3/3:30 hits it's a MAD HOUSE in town until around 6. It was awful. They are building the plant closer to 81 though so it wouldn't be quite as bad once they got out of the Comm Coll that they are working in now.

We're spoiled in that we live out in the country, DH has never lived in town (aside from college) and even though I grew up in the city I am used to open spaces now. Seeing all the townhomes and developments... it's just not for us (it almost makes me feel claustrophobic). I know that's what a lot of people are used to, but I'm not sure we are up for it. If we didn't have the kids it would be OK, but we want space and freedom for them. Found a simple house with gorgeous views - $225K. I know it's not much in comparison to a lot of areas (this one in particular where homes were generally $300K - $500K), but it's too much for us, especially juggling the 2 other houses (1 paid for, 1 not). We would be "house poor" for sure, and that's not where we want to be - if something were to break or go wrong, we would be out of luck. If we hadn't found that area we wouldn't have been banking on much for housing. We drove by at least 20 mapped properties, and more than I can count that just happened to be in the area... blah. 26 hours in the car between Wed. at 8:30 AM and last night (Thursday) when we got home at 9. It changes so drastically from one stretch to another - one was actually what looked like an abandoned home that they tried to fix up pretty enough to sell, made sense why there weren't any inside photos. Several 2 bed, 1 bath, 750 sq. ft. homes, not going to work for our crew. We're not looking for sprawling mansions or anything, but that's tight for 6 ppl. We're both slightly concerned with my mental health if we were to move (depression, anxiety) and that would not help. DH was discouraged, and once the financial reality hit (we don't have $50K for a downpayment so tack PMI on to the already tight money) I think he was both disappointed and relieved. We thought for sure we would know as soon as we got there... but no. The area was... interesting. Not what he was expecting. I think had it been a cute little town with gorgeous country side we would be heading there, no doubt in my mind. It took until yesterday at lunch to finally find that gorgeous country side his buddy was telling him about :roll: .

 

[Fernie]

If you need help with the HS laws in WV let me know. I can help with that. Just let me know if I can help and I will.

I know sticker price can be shocking.

 

[FourRingCircus]

He met with his boss's boss yesterday, written offer coming later in the week :shock: . He wants to have dinner one night so he can talk with me some as well, not sure what's on his mind there. They really want him for WV, not sure the numbers he will come back with. I feel a bit guilty asking for more money on top of the amount they already offered, but we can't go broke in the process, ya know? We have found a couple house options in the area, one is a house built around an older single wide with a garage and unfinished MIL suite... it's actually kinda cool looking! Not sure what the resale would be, but it's on 5 mostly wooded acres so that alone is worth it. Only 1 bath, but a gorgeous heated/cooled sunroom that would be a fantastic quilting "studio" - thankfully DH is making sure I can take my longarm with me, I think he knows and understands that's going to be a good distraction on those tough days. Rules out a few houses though since it's 14' long :lol: . We're thinking it wouldn't be terribly difficult to add a half bath on, which would make it more functional for us, and also help the resale value.

Three options - each has pros and cons.

Resale value is questionable on this one, has been on the market for a while (especially compared to how fast other properties are moving!), but it would likely be comfortable for us while we are there, only 15 minute commute, room for the kids to roam, add a half bath (even if it's a compostable toilet)... not sure the state the MIL suite is in, finishing that would likely add quite a bit.

https://www.zillow.com/savedhomes/for_s ... 1_rs/1_fr/

Plain. Updatable. Add some landscaping, touch up the kitchen, replace some flooring. Lots of options for resale value to increase. Not a lot of property, but not packed in like sardines either.

https://www.zillow.com/savedhomes/for_s ... 1_rs/1_fr/

Updatable, very functional, little to no carpet (we have allergies!), intown, but decent size lot already privacy fenced in... no chickens

https://www.zillow.com/savedhomes/for_s ... 1_rs/1_fr/

 

[Sagebrush]

The descriptions you gave are good, but I have to register to see the properties. Bummer.

 

[SarniaTricia]

Three options - each has pros and cons.

Resale value is questionable on this one, has been on the market for a while (especially compared to how fast other properties are moving!), but it would likely be comfortable for us while we are there, only 15 minute commute, room for the kids to roam, add a half bath (even if it's a compostable toilet)... not sure the state the MIL suite is in, finishing that would likely add quite a bit.

https://www.zillow.com/savedhomes/for_s ... 1_rs/1_fr/

Plain. Updatable. Add some landscaping, touch up the kitchen, replace some flooring. Lots of options for resale value to increase. Not a lot of property, but not packed in like sardines either.

https://www.zillow.com/savedhomes/for_s ... 1_rs/1_fr/

Updatable, very functional, little to no carpet (we have allergies!), intown, but decent size lot already privacy fenced in... no chickens

https://www.zillow.com/savedhomes/for_s ... 1_rs/1_fr/

I personally like option #1... I like that you will have property to work with, house has character and you can't beat the commute!
I would be concerned about the structure and would see if you can have some investigating done to see if the house is sound structurally..... The fire place looks like it is in place of a structural wall? Maybe inquire with the town as to what permits were gotten to do the building of the structure, if there was any issues with the build (like a contractor lien) In other words, do more than just a house inspection.... ask neighbours, see if you can get the gossip on the place... there has to be a reason its on the market a long time!?

Option #2 is a blank slate.... You would really need to put your own stamp on that one... also, you cant do much with 1/2 acre and I would check about chickens for that one....

Option #3 would be a no go in my opinion.... if you can't have chickens you might get pushback for your rabbits too.... likely a no-livestock rule, not a no chicken rule... (I found this out the hard way at were we currently live)

 

[FourRingCircus]

My dad said the issue with #1 might be getting a loan since it is classified as a single wide... going to call today and see what I need to do to a) get preapproval, and b) if a loan for that one is even an option.

 

[alforddm]

My dad said the issue with #1 might be getting a loan since it is classified as a single wide... going to call today and see what I need to do to a) get preapproval, and b) if a loan for that one is even an option.

It's classified as a single wide? Really? I've seen alot of mobile homes and that doesn't look like one at all unless it's been extensively added onto and remodeled.

If you have trouble getting a loan you might try Farmers Home Administration. They will loan even if the house to land value isn't Ideal. They usually want the house to be worth more than the land and that might not be the case here.

Since the property has been for sale for so long you maybe able to offer less and get it. Depends on how motivated they are to sell. You can also do things like seller financing the down payment and such. You need a good realtor who has been in the business and knows all the tricks and is willing to work with you. We were able to finance a very hard to finance property due to our realtors diligence (and our good credit).

 

[FourRingCircus]

My dad said the issue with #1 might be getting a loan since it is classified as a single wide... going to call today and see what I need to do to a) get preapproval, and b) if a loan for that one is even an option.

It's classified as a single wide? Really? I've seen alot of mobile homes and that doesn't look like one at all unless it's been extensively added onto and remodeled.

If you have trouble getting a loan you might try Farmers Home Administration. They will loan even if the house to land value isn't Ideal. They usually want the house to be worth more than the land and that might not be the case here.

Since the property has been for sale for so long you maybe able to offer less and get it. Depends on how motivated they are to sell. You can also do things like seller financing the down payment and such. You need a good realtor who has been in the business and knows all the tricks and is willing to work with you. We were able to finance a very hard to finance property due to our realtors diligence (and our good credit).

The description said something about a single wide with a house built around it? My computer is spazzing out so I can't pull it up for the exact wording. One of the guys already up there pulled the tax records on it and it says "Quality Grade: Poor+" - not sure what that is in reference to - land, house, combination? Because this is in theory a temporary move (3-5 years, if we want it - could be more permanent) we do have to consider resale value. Turning it into a rental is a potential option as well. I really really like that one though! I talked to a lady from the city office and #3 is actually 1.5 miles outside of city limits! Not sure on HOA... but one step closer to chickens being a possibility (it has a "barn" on the property). She was extremely helpful in answering a lot of my questions, I guess she used to work in real estate lending. She recommended a real estate office with a buyers agent if we didn't have one already. DH has been in touch with one, but even after giving her a description of what we were looking for on Friday we haven't heard anything. I know it's only Wednesday, but you would think she would touch base with at least an option or two by now...

ETA: sadly, I don't think I will be able to do rabbits, at least starting out. Chickens are somewhat "set and forget" compared to most other livestock so we can leave for a couple days with little concern to find someone to take care of them (load up anfeeded and a couple large waterers). We'll have the one small dog we can travel with back and forth to NC when we visit. The other dog is 11 and not doing as well... I don't think she'll handle the move well. Our neighbor/tenant said she could stay and she would take care of her... she spends a lot of time down there anyway :roll: . i know she wil miss us though, and that's sad the last time we left for more than a couple of days she was squealing when we came in...

 

[alforddm]

Yes, I see it now. I just skimmed the description and missed that part. That can definitely cause a problem. Most banks, and I think even the FHA won't loan money for a single wide. That is probably why it has been on the market for so long.

Have you considered buying land and putting a doublewide on it? You would have to look at all the pros and cons but it is something to think about. Mobile homes tend to depreciate faster than regular homes and you would want to make sure that someone could actually get a loan on both house and land when you got ready to sell. Plus make sure the land does not have restrictions on it. Often mobile home dealers will have land + home packages available. If the dealer has something on the lot that you like you can often get things set up and ready to go in as little as 3-4 weeks.

Our current home is a repo double wide. We've been in it for 5 yrs and love it. It has alot of upgrades like 2x6 walls, drywall, and regular vinyl windows.

Just throwing some suggestions out there.

__________ Wed May 31, 2017 4:56 pm __________

I found this one? Don't know if it is something you'd even be interested in but I think it has alot of potential plus it's 2.55 acres.

https://www.zillow.com/homedetails/161- ... 7730_zpid/ <br /><br /> __________ Wed May 31, 2017 5:03 pm __________ <br /><br /> This one maybe too far of a drive but it has potential...maybe....:lol:

https://www.zillow.com/homes/for_sale/p ... ect/10_zm/

 

[Fernie]

Resale value is questionable on this one, has been on the market for a while (especially compared to how fast other properties are moving!), but it would likely be comfortable for us while we are there, only 15 minute commute, room for the kids to roam, add a half bath (even if it's a compostable toilet)... not sure the state the MIL suite is in, finishing that would likely add quite a bit.

https://www.zillow.com/savedhomes/for_s ... 1_rs/1_fr/

I looked at all three and this is the one I would want. It has space for the kids and critters. If you want chickens you can have them there. And the garage looks to have an apartment or something above it. And yes I am in a single wide and got financed. Plus we have farm insurance that covers the single wide as well as our vehicles and the livestock.