Caelin is home...and he drowned a kit. :(

[Shara]

So before I realized Caelin was out of the room (I was putting Tristan down for a nap) he had gone and given a kit a "bath" in the mop bucket, and drowned it. And it was the biggest one out of Luna's litter, too. I was so mad, but now I am just mad at myself. He was only trying to give the baby a bath, and he didn't mean to kill it.

I did talk to him about when it is ok to kill animals. I heard myself telling him he can't kill them, and thought "but Shara, you kill animals to eat, why is it ok for you?" So I told him about eating meat, and that it is only ok to kill aniamls when we are going to eat them. And that only big people can do that. I want to cry. So her litter of seven is down to three big ones. Two were pulled out of the nest box, and one died in the box, but I don't know why. And he almost bathed another, one of the two torts I have left (Spooky has a tort, but it is amoung the smallest in her litter, so it goes to freezer camp).

I feel like it is my fault. I should have been watching him closer. I thought he just walked into the living room. I don't know what I am going to do. I spanked him. I guess just keep him super busy, I just never thought that this would happen. Lessons learned, huh?

 

[Iggysbabysitter]

Try not to beat yourself up. Things happen, and he will grow up learning how to love and care for the critters (and how to let go when it's culling time). Things like that happened occassionally on the farm, too. I remember 3 year old Sarah helping in the barn, teaching the new chicks how to drink, and "knocked one out cold" when she stepped on it (we didn't tell her she killed it). It happened once, and never again. She learned quickly to mind her feet. Or while I was folding laundry, 3 year old Alex slipped into the diningroom, plucked his big fat gold fish from the tank, kissed it and brought it to me. He was so happy. I was mortified. Thankfully the fish lived...
Meta (my mother-in-law) always said "Love the animals while they are here, that's all you can do." (We lived on a quiet lane and lost many of our lovely barn cats - not just to cars, people actually stole most of them).

 

[Miss M]

(((HUGS)))

Shara, first thing off is to take a deep breath, and remind yourself that things like this happen with small children. You watch them as much as you can, and things still are going to happen, because you can't be omnipresent, omniscient, and perpetually awake.

You've already taken a step back and realized he was actually trying to do something good.

The next big thing is to own up to your mistake in spanking him. No, I am not against spanking. The Bible says (paraphrasing here) that he who spares the rod hates his son. I made a number of similar mistakes when ILoveBunnies was little, spanking when I was angry, or spanking for something that really didn't call for it.

I finally thought about what really were offenses that rose to the level of requiring a spanking. Those boiled down to lying and conscious disobedience. Later, when Bunny-Wan Kenobi came along, I added to the list the offense of hitting or endangering one's sibling. Other things have other consequences.

Please understand that I am not trying to tell you how to raise your kids!!! I'm telling you what I have done.

A very important thing I started doing was never spanking when I was angry. If I was angry, I would send whomever to his/her room while I calmed down. Once I calmed down and was thinking rationally, I would deal with the situation.

More than once, I have had to humble myself before my child and apologize for getting angry over something I shouldn't have, spanking over something I shouldn't have, etc. This is an important lesson for a child! You should never be afraid to admit when you are wrong, because it will teach your children to own up to their mistakes, too. If you are willing to do that, they will respect you even more than if they think you're perfect (because one day they'll discover you aren't).

Great post, Iggysbabysitter, by the way.

 

[MaggieJ]

Shara, Caelin is not old enough to realize that giving the kit "a bath" could harm it. He's likely not really old enough to understand what death is either. Don't be angry with him... and don't be angry with yourself either. No one can watch their kids every second, especially with two young ones like you have.

The best tack to take might be to tell him that he must ask you before touching the rabbits... and that you must be there with him. That should be a rule that he can comprehend and obey, even if the reasons for it are beyond him.

 

[Shara]

Thank you both. I will tell him sorry. He is down for a nap right now...I know I should not have spanked him. He did kill the kit, but how is an almost three yearold supposed to know you can't bathe them? How is he supposed to know that water can kill? Or even, really, what death is? I mean, he gets the gist of it. He has a very high level of understanding when it comes to me talking to him...and he has always been physically and mentally advanced for his age. (not in size, he is WAY low on the charts for that, but you know, for development).

I feel awful. That kit was my top absolute favorite, and for it to die...ugh, it made me sick. And I am afraid of him becoming some monster (I have LOTS of them in my family, and as much as people tell me it's not genetic, I still worry) so I overreacted. I am moving Luna and her litter somewhere less accesible than my bedroom. maybe I think, the closet in the spare room, which is small, but it locks. He is so gentle with the animals...he LOVES the baby rabbits so much, and wishes he could play with them all day (it's all I ever hear, "rabbits? play with rabbits now?") So I know he wasn't trying to hurt them. And the fact that the bucket was in the bathtub (too many times have I heard about babies drowning, so I try to keep water somewhere Tristan can't get to it) so it just makes sense. He wasn't here when I drowned the last kit, so it's not like he was copying me or anyhting.

I don't know, I feel awful the kit died, and I feel worse now that I hit Caelin over it. I should have just talked to him and put him in timeout for getting into the nest. Or something. Not spank him over that. But thank you guys.

I have such a hard time remebering my boundaries. Its not like I abuse my kids...but I want to be a mom that raises good, thoughtful, hardworking, honest, christian kids. It's hard, I guess, without that being modeled to me. I forgive my mom, because although she screwed up, she did better than her own parents, and she has apologized. But I don't want to have to apologize to my kids for being a bad mom to them.

I don't know, lol. I guess I am STILL overreacting. Can't change it now. But, like you both said, kids do things. And I agree, Miss M, an apology is in order.

I am so happy he's back. I just wish this hadn't happened.

Hey Maggie, just saw your post. I agree that he is too young to really get it. I have tried to tell him he has to ask first, but I think with putting them into the locking closet, it should take care of the problem while I teach himthe importance of being safe with the rabbits, and me being there.

thank you, too.<br /><br />__________ Mon Feb 21, 2011 3:04 pm __________<br /><br />Well, he woke up. I talked to him, and I feel better now. I told him I was very sorry, I knew he didn't mean to hurt the bunny, and I should not of hurt him. Then I said I was sorry, and asked if he forgave me. HE nodded, and I gave him a hug and a kiss. Basically I did what I have him do after he gets into trouble, admit what was wrong, say sorry, hug and kiss.

 

[Frosted Rabbits]

Shara, You learned something- your son taught it to you. I rememeber looking for a cat for several days, could not find her. Last I had seen her, the kids were playing with her on the porch. well, I eventually found her- in a picnic cooler on the porch- the kids had 'crated' her- and thought the drain hole on the cooler would let enough air for her to breathe. I think they cried harder than I did- they were a bit older than Caelin- had already been to a couple funerals, and understood that 'dead' meant the person would not be seen again. Sorry for the both of you- there is no handbook published that directs us on how to raise the perfect child, or how to be a perfect parent. But then,that may be a good thing.

 

[MaggieJ]

I hope you and Caelin are both feeling better now, Shara.

Naturally you want to be the best mom you can be for your kids, but no one can be perfect. You'll make some mistakes along the way... we all do. Kids don't come with instructions for raising, as I see Terry has also pointed out.

 

[Cattle Cait]

Shara, You learned something- your son taught it to you. I rememeber looking for a cat for several days, could not find her. Last I had seen her, the kids were playing with her on the porch. well, I eventually found her- in a picnic cooler on the porch- the kids had 'crated' her- and thought the drain hole on the cooler would let enough air for her to breathe. I think they cried harder than I did- they were a bit older than Caelin- had already been to a couple funerals, and understood that 'dead' meant the person would not be seen again. Sorry for the both of you- there is no handbook published that directs us on how to raise the perfect child, or how to be a perfect parent. But then,that may be a good thing.

I, er, sort of kind of did the exact same thing when I was little to mom's very valuable American Chinchilla buck, who had been nearly impossible to find and cost mucho money. I thought his cage was too small and he'd be happy to get out for the day while I was at school...

It sounds like you did the right thing making it better Shara. My mom did the exact same thing, beat my butt and apologized later. I knew she didn't mean to get upset, but I knew I killed her favorite bunny.

 

[OneAcreFarm]

Shara,
Understand that while a spanking may not have been the best way to deal with the issue, you did not "hurt" Caelin. There is nothing wrong with spanking your children. I have spanked my children for things and then later apologized to them because the spanking may not have been the best choice, but never have I felt that I "hurt" them. We try to reserve spanking for lying, stealing, outright disobedience or disrespect to a parent or adult caregiver. The point is, you acknowledged that you were wrong in choosing to spank for THAT PARTICULAR ISSUE and you asked Caelin to forgive you. That will make a big impression on Caelin and is a valuable lesson for him to learn. You did the right thing and you are a great Mom! Don't let anyone, especially YOU, tell you otherwise!

 

[ladysown]

oh Shara

don't beat yourself up.

Our boy did it with our pet mouse...fortunately didn't manage to kill him, but oh my...close call. It happens. You turn your back, things happen. And children will be children. He was about that same age too.

At that age...bunnies are like very small children and small children get baths right? So he was really trying to be helpful.

 

[ottersatin]

Shara,
when you haven't got time to keep a watchful eye on the little guy,
Just Duct tape his hands and feet together and be done with it!
Ottersatin.

 

[Shara]

lol Dennis! I have thought about it...hahaha!!

Putting HIM in the closet...lol.<br /><br />__________ Wed Feb 23, 2011 2:40 pm __________<br /><br />ok, so I KNEW there was a reason I hadn't told Caelin yet how we get meat. :doh: Today he decided he was going to kill some bunnies so we could eat them...

I saved them, by the way. He tried to drown them. I yelled and he came RUNNING, saying he WAS NOT touching them. Uh huh.

I asked him what he was doing with them, and he said he was killing them. Then, "eat, right?"

LOL. Now that they are warm and dry, it is funny. Ugh. I can't believe he decided to eat them.

 

[Miss M]

:lol: When you told how you had explained to him about killing rabbits to eat, I was quietly wondering if, in a day or two, he was going to try to get some ready for dinner himself. LOL

 

[MaggieJ]

Don't be too worried, Shara... He's trying to sort out how the world works. But, please, do keep an eye on him. He's at a difficult stage... smart enough to think of all kinds of things to try and too inexperienced to predict outcomes.

 

[Shara]

yeah, I swear that little sucker will grow up to be a ninja or SOMETHING! he is sneaky quiet. I mean, I can watch him...and do...but he is sneaky!

Lol, Miss M, I SHOULD have realized, lol. Now he wants to eat the dog, Tristan, and the cat outside. I asked if we could eat daddy, and he looked very offended, and said "NO!".

But he asked if we could eat Tristan...

So now I have to keep a VERY good eye on him!

:doh:

 

[MaggieJ]

Better sew some jingle bells to his collar. Then at least you'll know WHERE he is.

 

[Shara]

lol. Good idea!

 

[Frosted Rabbits]

Actually, I think that is why parents used to get those jingly things that also held shoelaces in place- dual purpose! Of course, caelin would probably figure out how to move without making the bells jingle.
you need to help him sort things out. explain to him, simply, that people don't eat other people, that animals and plants need to grow up first. That we don't eat our pets. Now, i have heard some people say "Oh, you are so sweet, I could just eat you up" as they hug a child-- well, don't even THINK about letting that type of behaviour in the house!- it helps muddy the waters. remember, you have 4 more years to get him to realize right from wrong, 4 years where his conscience develops, his moral values get shaped. yes, it is important he knows where food comes from- but it also important to know the when, where, and why. After all, we don't plant banana trees in the Yukon Territory without a darn good greenhouse!!!

 

[Shara]

or just take them off! lol.

YeaH, I can see his morality hasn't developed yet. He acts like a little sociopath! lol. I really hope he grows out of it.

But it reminded me of my brother, at 8, stealing the rifle to go out and kill a bear to feed us. lololol. This is the brother now on drugs, btw. He was a very thoughtful kid. He ended up being chases down by dogs, and coming home. Told us he killed a pack of wolves, lololol

 

[Jack]

Well Shara, I would almost trade a kit for a morning of peace, My 3yo, made a nest with IMAGINARY BABY BUNNIESand this morning I got to deal with him mothering them, no

No stepping there, no sitting, look at the babies, bubby smooshed it, baby bubby is chewing on the 'bunny'
Don't ask why a 3 y/o would give a bunny to a baby. since I asked he insisted telling me, and I still don't know after 3 times between the poor grammar and horrible accent....