Buyer 'Likes' You...How Common is This?

[AprilW]

I would get the pedigrees to him by email (make sure there is no personal info on them, such as your address) and then end all contact. Even if he approaches you later on to buy rabbits, don't sell to him. This guy has "predator" written all over him. It isn't your responsibility to help him "get over" you.

Please, for your own safety, listen to the advice that has been given here.

 

[OldEnglishSilvers88]

You're right, Maggie. I would be a therapist :?

I am ending all contact. Thank you everyone! Sorry if I dragged on too far


What are some sure fire ways that you can tell that someone is going to be suspicious? ( I'm a new breeder of only 1 year's experience).

 

[MaggieJ]

Listen to your gut.

At least that's what I did to stay safe when I was single. I was pretty naive when I divorced at 40 because I had not dated much when I was young.

What I found was this:
If the inappropriate behaviour was subtle, my head sometimes said nothing was wrong.
If I was vulnerable to the attentions for any reason (found them flattering perhaps), my heart (emotions) sometimes said nothing was wrong.

But I have never known my gut to lie to me.

 

[Nymphadora]

I am ending all contact. Thank you everyone! Sorry if I dragged on too far

I'm glad we were able to offer some advice. And I think most (if not all) of us would agree that seeking additional advice as the situation changes is a good thing to do. It never hurts to ask, right?

What are some sure fire ways that you can tell that someone is going to be suspicious? ( I'm a new breeder of only 1 year's experience).

As far as breeding rabbits goes, check for wolves in sheeps’ clothing. Anyone that seems especially keen on seeing your rabbitry in person (and doesn’t seem to want to take “no” for an answer, even when you mention biosecurity, etc.) comes to mind as being somewhat suspicious.

When it comes to people in general… well you’ll have to learn that as you go. But Maggie’s advice to listen to your gut is good. And keep in mind what Zass said about abuse. It often starts small, verbal or emotional, but it can snowball real fast. And the abuser has a habit of manipulating the victim into believing it’s their own fault. Don’t ever listen to someone that makes you feel responsible for their own emotions or actions. That’s on them, and honestly not your problem. And no, it doesn’t make it easy, but at least you can keep that as a mantra of sorts.

 

[MaggieJ]

And keep in mind what Zass said about abuse. It often starts small, verbal or emotional, but it can snowball real fast. And the abuser has a habit of manipulating the victim into believing it’s their own fault. Don’t ever listen to someone that makes you feel responsible for their own emotions or actions. That’s on them, and honestly not your problem.

:yeahthat:

If you're feeling guilty, chances are you are being manipulated.

 

[Zass]

He says he is sorry but understands and that he does like me which is why he whispered that I am beautiful in my ear so his wife wouldn't hear and that he hates that he came off as being creepy but he says he doesn't know how to let this go since I am not interested and he is asking for advice from ME how to let go of me...umm.

If you didn't already have a relationship, there is no way he's reached an emotional point where he can't let it go or get over it.
Enlisting you in helping him is a way of manipulating you into continuing to allow emotionally intimate contact where YOU are vulnerable.

Just like Maggiej said, if you ever feel guilty, it's a good sign you are being manipulated into feeling that way.

There is a lot of wisdom on here from women who have already been through it all. :lol:

As to people who are suspicious, I think your gut was already telling you that, even before all of us noticed anything wrong. Absolutely trust your intuition!!!

 

[AprilW]

Okay, so general safety:
* don't put a lot of personal info on pedigrees, ads, websites, etc. I have been given rabbit pedigrees with the breeder's first & last name, phone number, and even their home address. I don't use my full name.
* don't sell from home. Meet in a public location during daylight hours. Always take someone with you if you can. If you have to go alone, make sure someone knows exactly where and when you'll be meeting the buyer. Ask for the vehicle they'll be driving (say it's so you can recognize when they pull up) and share that with the person you tell about your meeting.

If someone wants to see your rabbitry, explain you don't allow visitors. Even if they threaten not to buy, don't allow them to come to your home.
Try to keep conversations rabbit related.

 

[Kent]

This is a little late but I would cut off in-person contact with this guy. ALWAYS trust your instincts.

 

[OldEnglishSilvers88]

I did. Thank you to all. I have several other amazing buyers that are both men and women minus the creepy factor. Thanks again!