Preparing to say Good-Bye.

[grumpy]

In life we are blessed with very few 'true-friends'. I've had several but never
more than can be counted on the fingers of one hand. These types of friends
are without question "gifts" from above. I've felt blessed knowing each and
every one of them. Over the years, I've had to say good-bye to three men I'd
lay my life down for. As, I'm sure, they would do the same for me. That's the
closeness of the bonds that developed between these men and myself.

I was shaken deeply last evening when I saw one of those dear friends at
the small restaurant in town. He looked a little 'under-the-weather' but he's
been through Hell the past 8 or 9 years. Diagnosed with lung cancer, he was
placed in a study group of 25 people who had the same form of cancer as he.
I learned last fall that the number in the group is still 25, but Keith is the lone
survivor of the original 25. The rest have passed away. Keith remained active
throughout his battle with this dreaded disease. Losing his entire right lung
in the process, plus various complications with his heart since it was left with
so much empty space around it. It twisted causing him to nearly die two years
ago before the doctors finally figured out how to turn it, stitch it to an inside
rib muscle, and stabilize it. It left him in tremendous pain that had to be
controlled with heavy narcotic drugs.

We've had long talks about our individual mortality and our preferences on
how each would choose to leave this world that we live in. He started having
more issues because his heart is slowly losing strength and is unable to
pump enough blood to his brain when he stands upright for longer than ten
minutes. The doctors told him there's nothing more they can do to help him
and that eventually one day soon, he'll lose consciousness and not
re-awake. He'll pass quietly, painlessly. Of course, he could extend his life if
he drastically curtailed his routine, but that's not the way he works.

He's a teacher, (semi-retired) but still loves teaching the kids in his computer
graphics class a couple of hours each day. He's a dynamite photographer and
has had his pictures published worldwide in some of the major magazines.
Plus, he's developed all of my novel covers with a sense of perfection that is
unparalleled. He made his decision to keep his life as it is until the end.
"Grumpy, I'm not gonna quit just to live a few extra months. I won't reduce
the quality of my life for the quantity of my life."

It was a hard thing to hear, but I had to agree. "I don't blame you, my friend
I'd do the same thing if I were in your shoes." I teared up and told him, "If
there's anything you need, just call and I'll be there. I give you my word."

It won't be long, but I pray that the end won't come too soon. It takes many
years to develop a friendship such as this and I'm walkin' on the short side
myself. I've got two left. One fella my age and the other is a young man I've
watched grow up, "Max". He's a surgeon now and an ensign in the Naval
Medical Corp. I've asked him to speak for me when the time arrives. He was
somewhat unnerved but told me he'd "be honored" to do so.

Grumpy.

 

[Nyctra]

Lung cancer took my mama last month. I was her 'round-the-clock caregiver for the final few months and did a lot of heavy lifting because she was too weak to stand on her own...after experiencing that, I really really sincerely hope your friend has someone around to take care of him. I can't imagine being left to fend for myself like that. It could be frustratingly impossible at times for my mama.

You probably know this already, but the hospice nurses informed me that hearing is the last thing to go; maybe you could pass that info on to his wife or whoever's with him. Not talking about him like he's not there and not begging him to "wake up" or move are courteous things to keep in mind during that final stretch. So even if he slips into a coma type state, he can likely still sense things (hearing, smell, taste?), but just can't react. My mama did on her last day, and her only reactions were very small, just twitches...although even in a coma, she still wanted one last bite of pudding - miraculously, she even managed to grab the spoon and feed herself, go figure!

 

[Susie570]

That's a beautiful homage to your friend and life itself, Grumpy. Thank you for sharing it with us. Although it sounds like he's an incredible fighter, I hope you find peace in his passing as it sounds like he has done.

Namaste.

 

[Marinea]

Friends like you have described are indeed blessings, Grumpy. They make our lives so much richer.

You have faced a lot of loss since I have "known" you. It hurts my heart to know you face even more. But it also makes me even more sure of the size of your heart, as to feel such loss once must first have had to let someone in.

Praying for you and your friend.

 

[lereg15]

Prayers for you and your friend, Grumpy. It's a terribly, difficult thing to have to go through. I've lost sister in law to lung cancer, and now have one more in her last days.

 

[katiebear]

Cancer....such an insidious disease, it cares not for the lives it destroys or the pain of the ones who are left to live with the loss.
I read your words last night , but I could not put my thoughts into words until now..
So few of us have real friends, like the one you are preparing to loose. That kind of friend makes our lives whole.
I know he will leave a hole in your already battered heart.
Thank you for reaching out to us and sharing your pain...My heart is breaking for you..You are in my prayers.

 

[Galadriel]

I can't say much, and nothing you haven't heard, but I'm praying for you, Grumpy. :encourage:

 

[wamplercathy]

Nothing can prepare you for the lost of a loved one, and nothing can be said to really make it better. But I hope you take some comfort in knowing that we are standing behind you and are here if you need anything.

 

[JenerationX]

Sounds like Keith has that thing that makes him happy.... and he's gonna do it as long as he can. I'm glad he has you in his life, someone who understands that he needs that. I watched a family here put someone through a year and a half of hell on earth trying to beat the inevitably terminal. It was long, painful, sad, and made the person who was going to pass miserable. He wasn't allowed to accept and come to terms with it... it was treatment after treatment after treatment to prolong the quantity and there was ZERO quality left.

Thank you for sharing this and reminding everyone to have those hard conversations about how they want to leave this world. It's important to do that while we can. The leaving sucks, the losing sucks, but it is going to happen to all of us unfortunately. It hurts like hell every time, and I'm sorry that hurt is coming your way.