My New Book! Thoughts?

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Mar 19, 2016
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Hey everyone!
so some of you who have known me since I joined this forum, know that a while ago I started a book series, called ' Wolves of the Night'.
Since then I've written four books and three special additions! Not my best work, but it was my first ever series. :lol:

I recently got a book idea I'm really excited about and have started last week! It's going to be a trilogy, which is titled,
' The Queen's Assassin'.
The first book in in progress, and going very very well! Im quite proud of how it is coming along! I have to say I think I have gotten more experienced in my writing :lol:
Well I thought, since there's an abundance of readers on this forum, that I'd share a bit of it with y'all! let me know what you think!
The first book is called, ' Piper'.
Thanks all!

__________ Sat Aug 18, 2018 6:24 am __________

Its’s freezing, and I’m dying.

She staggered on, snow falling onto her freckled, frozen skin. Her shoulders stung with immense pain, but she had to go on. Her forest green eyes unblinking behind her shadowy mask, she nearly tripped through the thick ground of snow. One of her braids came loose, releasing waves of auburn gold hair. She bit her lip, trying to ignore the numbing sensation in her feet. Even her bones felt frozen and fragile, as if a single wrong movement would snap her in two.
The winter wind howled, bringing in another gust of cold snow. She shivered, and fell to the ground, the frost covering her legs and feet. She began to breath heavily, her chest rising and falling in panic. She was slowly dying, but she knew she couldn't stop. She tried to lift herself off the freezing ground, but failed, falling back down with huff. She furrowed her thick brow and used the last of her strength to stand up once again. She walked on, unstable, through the forest, the leaves of the pine trees brushing the shoulders of her thin coat. Her second braid undid it’s self, and her hair was now flowing through the chilling wind. She rubbed her small, calloused hands together, trying to warm them, and breathed onto frozen, pink skin. But even the breath from her lungs was cold. She stumbled again, and her body collapsed with exhaustion. She couldn't feel her legs or arms, as she lay in the freezing snow. She could feel that sleep was on it’s way, and she welcomed it openly.

An excerpt from Piper’s journal, edited and approved by Lief.

This was the beginning of the book, and I hope you enjoyed reading it!
( This part of the book has yet to be edited, so please bear with me on any misspelling.) <br /><br /> __________ Sat Aug 18, 2018 6:26 am __________ <br /><br /> Prolouge

Four-hundred years before……..

The four journeymen made their way through the thick forest of pine trees.
The king had sent them to gather boar skins for the kingdoms crafters. They were to be used to make new sword sheaths for the warriors of Charelston.
They trudged on, cracking twigs and pinecones as they went. They weren't the kingdoms most quiet journeymen, but they did their job well, and provided the king with what he wished. The journeymen were alarmed by a sudden movement in the trees.
“ Must be one of em’ bears,” a stocky, tan man guessed, and he notched an arrow on his oak wood bow. The man raised and aimed at the trees. He let go, and the arrow zipped through the crisp air. But there wasn't the expected sound of a disturbed bear, or an injured bird. Instead, there was utter silence. The four men looked at each other, and walked on, taking only six more steps before they froze again. Something had dropped from trees behind them. The turned, to see what it was, but saw nothing except a blur of brisk movement beside them. Though in fear, they turned around again, and saw a a small girl, head down, only several feet in front of them. Her long, wavy locks of auburn gold hair were covering her face. Her clothes were torn and shredded, brown fabric hanging loosely about her. Her pale skin was smudged with black dirt and blood. One of the journeymen dared to speak up.
“ Hello, little one,” his voice shook, “ What be your name?”
The young girl did not respond. The man questioned again, but she still did not answer. He looked at one of his companions and shrugged. The stockier man took one step forward, “ Where are yer parents?”
The girl’s head slowly lifted, revealing stunning forest green eyes. Her face as was her body, was caked in mud and blood. Her hands clenched into fists, and before they could even think out what was happening, she leapt at them, her hands waving wildly in the air. The men shrieked with fear, as the small girl hurled herself at them, screeching with rage. She knocked one of the journeymen to the forest floor, dirt flying into his face. They did not fight back though- they would dare not injure a youngling. Instead, they avoided her, trying to make their way back through the forest to the kingdom. They needed to find this mad girls parents, and maybe find her some new clothes.
“ Tie er’ down!” One of the men yelled, as he pulled thick cords of rope from his pack. The others did the same, and then circled her, ready to throw their ropes about her the moment she tried to run.
“ We're not gonna hurt ya’” the stocky man comforted, as if he was trying to tame a wild dog.
Her eyes leapt from man to man, and her legs tensed, about to dash. The men then cast out their ropes, and she fell to the ground beneath them. They grabbed her and wrapped the thick cords around her. She was now tangled up in the ropes, kicking and screaming wildly on the floor.
“ Let me go! LET ME GO!” She yelled, giving them all dirty looks. But they did not let her go. They decided to send one of the men back to village for help. As soon as they turned their backs, the girl wriggled free from the ropes and climbed swiftly up the tree. The journeymen whipped around, to see their captive missing. They heard a commotion in the trees above and spotted gold hair among the dark green leaves. 
“ Don’t try to kill me,” she warned, her voice sounding older than she looked, “ You cannot. I cannot die.”
The men, disbelieving her, as she was young girl, aimed their arrows at her.
“ Not a good idea, I will not die. Only you will.”
But they ignored her warning, and shot their arrows. The girl was dangerous, and had nearly killed them, and still might if they weren't careful. But the arrows did not hit her, instead, the zipped right through her. Their faces fell, and they tried again, but they still did not hurt her.
“ I told you, I cannot die.”
A dark skinned man looked at the stocky man, and nodded, as he pulled out another arrow. But this time, it was a shade of lavender at the tip, and steamed in the cold air. He notched it on his bow and prepared to launch it. It flew through the air, and hit the girl in the forehead. It exploded in a puff of white glowing dust, and her eyes blinked in astonishment. She began to lean to one side, balancing unstably on the branches of the pine tree. Then she fell, and landed hard on the moist soil of the forest ground. The men rushed towards her, and tied her in the ropes once again, this time, more secure. The dark man lifted her limp body into his strong arms, and they carried back through he forest. They were unaware that they had completely forgotten about boar skins they were sent for.

The king paced the cool tiles of the castle in Charelston, his oiled leather boots thumping the floor. He eventually gave up on his pacing and sat down beside his beautiful queen on the plush, velvet couch. She was in danger. He was in danger. The rebel kingdom wanted them dead, both of them.
The queen placed her small, soft hands on his, and searched his eyes. He looked down at her, his concern showing in his deep, blue eyes. They had lost their sparkle and charm, and were now sad and depressed. The queen rested her head on the king’s shoulder, her long brunette curls strewn about the sofa behind her. The door suddenly opened, and a guard rushed in before the royal couple. Behind him, a journeyman, panting hard, staggered in.
“ A girl, in the woods. She attacked us.” He explained, wheezing for air.
The queen sat up straight, focused on the two men standing before her.
“ Calm down, tell us more.”
“ There isn't more to be said. She nearly killed us,” the man shook with fear,
“ But we took her here. The guards have her now. We shot her with a Poppyblade arrow”
The queen nodded. Even she had been trained as a young girl to shoot a bow, for her protection. Only the journeymen, guards, archers and royals owned the rare Poppyblade arrows. They were made from Poppyblade flowers, grown underneath the castle-the only spot they could survive in.
They needed to have cool, moist air, and thick dark soil. Poppyblade flower roots were known to have the abilities to make people forget their past. You could brainwash someone with only the stem. They were made into arrows, so that when shot, they could put a person in a temporary sleep, and make them forget everything.
“ Bring us to her.” The king demanded. The guard nodded, and they followed him and the journey men through the castle and into the dungeons below. There, on a wooden table, lay a small girl, who looked about fourteen years of age. Her messy, matted hair had been tied up, and she was bound to the table with thick, black cords. The queen investigated her dirty, freckled face and pale skin. The girls nose was pink from the cold forest. Her eyes were closed, but she had thick, dark lashes.
“ What is her name?” The queen questioned the guards surrounding the dungeon.
“ She never told them, she barley spoke. She only said that she couldn't die,” an armored man explained to the queen, “ and that the arrows they fired went straight through her.”
The queen shook her head, not sure what to believe.
“ We’ll wait for her to wake up,” the king decided. The guards nodded stiffly and several of them left the room. The royal couple sat there for couple hours, before there was movement from the strange girl. Her hands shifted, and she tried to move her legs, but the cords held dow. She tossed and turned on the table, but couldn't get up. She looked about her at the cords, the dungeon, and the king and queen. The queen approached her, and held the girls hands in her own. The girl slowly turned to look at the queen. Her eyes were intense and knowing. The queen looked into them, making direct eye contact.
“ What is your name?” She asked her.
The girl didn't respond, instead, she just lay there and stare at the queen. The king was silent- his wife knew children better than he did.
The queen asked again, “ What is your name?”
This went on for some time before the girl responded.
“ I have no name.”
The queen turned to look at her husband, and then faced the girl.
“ Alright then,” the queen nodded, “ Who are your parents?”

“ I…I..” The young girl stammered, “ I have no parents. I can't remember. I cant remember anything.”
The queen only nodded again. Then she called for the guards.
“ Take the girl, give her some food, and proper clothing. Then, test what the journeymen said. Let us see if she really cannot die.” The queen order them. They bowed and took the girl in their arms and carried her out of the dungeons.

She sat, in the metal chair, her legs kicking back and forth as she watched the strange men talk to the king and queen.
“ We have deduced,” a white haired man was telling them, “ that she is immortal, and, invincible. Every arrow fired, she survived, through fire she survived. We tested her blood, and she is older than we thought. She could be more than six hundred years old.”
“ But she doesn't remember anything?” The king asked.
“ No, she does not. The Poppyblade arrow removed all memories of her past. She knows not her name, nor who she is.”
They all turned to look at the pale girl. She refused to look back at them, and instead stared at the floor.
“ Train her in battle, and fighting,” the king requested, “ Teach her how to fire arrows, and how to use a blade. Make her the strongest fighter in all of Charelston.”
The white haired man nodded.
“ Why? Why should she be trained? She does not need weapons to protect herself-she does not need to be protected, if she is invincible.” The queen questioned the two men.
“ No, my dear,” the king took her hands in his, “ You need to be protected. She will protect you.”
The queen tipped her head to one side, confused.
“ She will become your personal body-guard- your secret assassin. She will be able to protect you until you die. She will be able to hunt down the ones who plot against you.”
The queen nodded, and her gaze was now once again, on the girl.
The old man, who had run the tests on the her, spoke up.
“ We call her P.I.P.E.R” he told them.
“ What does that stand for?”
“ It stands for….its not your business to know.”
The king ignored the scientists answer, and stared at P.I.P.E.R.
He then looked at his queen, happy, that there was a chance she could live in safety. “ Piper, will protect you.”

Piper raced through the forest, bow in hand. She pulled back the string, and fired an arrow, and then two more after that. They hit a target, right in the center. The king, and the scientist watched with wonder, as she hit the target perfectly every time. She had now been training for over seven months- shooting with a bow, learning the skills of a spear, and becoming the strongest and fiercest archer of Charelston. She could fire more than six arrows per second, and was the best hunter known.
“ She’s processed well,” the king smiled, satisfied.
Piper leapt from a tree and landed before the two men. She sighed and placed her calloused hands on her hips. The king could see her strong muscles underneath her coat.

Piper, over seven months had been trained in battle, and stealth. She slept in a small, crowded chamber, with a rickety metal bed, and a buck skin rug. She slept only for a few hours, as the rest of her night was spent in training. She ate only simple foods, that would keep up her strength. Her days were spent learning to use weapons and protect the queen. Her only focus was to become the best hunter, archer and fighter.
And now, she was ready.
She was presented to the queen, who was pleased and amazed at her strength and abilities. They gave her dark armor, so could blend with the shadows. And then, the queen would send her on missions. If there was news of a rebellious subject, who was plotting to kill her, Piper would be sent to get rid of him. If someone broke into the castle to harm the king or queen, Piper would dash in, and protect them. She did her job well, and was respected by the whole kingdom.
But then, years passed, and the king became ill, and died, leaving the queen even more vulnerable then before. Piper, loyal to her queen, did not sleep, instead, she stood by the queens side, day and night, never moving or resting. She cared not for herself, but for the queen.
But then the queen grew old, and died, leaving Piper in despair. She felt like she was no longer needed in the world. The scientists noticed her depression, and decided it be best to put her back to sleep. They gave her a Poppyblade flower, and her memories of the queen, the tests, her training, and past life, were forgotten. She slept for two years, inside the metal coffin they had placed her in.
When a new queen had crowned, they brought her out, and awoke her. They trained her again, and she became better and more skilled then before. They told her who she was, that she couldn't die, and that she was to protect the queen with her life.
And that was how it was for hundreds of years in the kingdom of Charelston.
Piper would protect and kill for the queen, and then, when the queen grew old and died, they put her back to sleep in the metal coffin. Again, when a new queen was crowned, they would awake Piper, and she protect the new queen again. She would sleep and eat in the small chamber, and train every time she was awoken, each time, becoming a more skilled archer.
She didn't remember any of the queens- all she knew was to protect the ones alive, with her life. Charleston was the strongest kingdom of all, thanks to the strange girl they had found in pine forest.

This was the prologue, hope you enjoyed it!
( this part also has to be edited, so please bear with me on any misspelling)


Staff member
Dec 16, 2009
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South Eastern Ontario
Hi olafthebunny and welcome back to RT! :hi:

I enjoyed reading your prologue. :) You bring a lot of energy and imagination to your writing and the historical fantasy genre is very popular at present. Keep on writing and don't be afraid to edit pretty heavily when you move from first draft to second draft. Pro writers will tell you that first draft is for getting it written but that everything after that is to make it as good as you possibly can.

I'm working my way through revisions to the first of my three (so far!) historical novels and it sure is a lot of work making it as close to perfect as I can before looking for a publisher. Competition is fierce in the writing world and it's important to me to give it my best shot.

Best of luck with your writing. It's something that can bring you much satisfaction your whole life long. It just gets better with time!

So how is LFB doing? Tell her we miss her and hope she'll drop in to RT to say hi! :)


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Mar 19, 2016
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South Africa
Hey y'all! first, thanks again for all the great feedback! it made me so pleased to know y'all enjoyed it! thought I'd share the first chapter with you guys as well, so here it is!

The queen paced the stone brick floor of the tower. It would only be three weeks before she would be let out. Only minutes till she would meet her.
The long, pale satin of her gown dragged behind her, making a swish swish.
She rubbed her long, slender hands together in impatientence. Yes, this was how she spent most her days. Waiting. Her shoes clicked the bricks underneath her, the sound echoing against the stone towers round walls, and then out the only small window close to the cieling. It traveled through the village below, and out into the woods, getting caught in the pine trees.
Wild bucks and boars lifted their heads, listening to the familiar sound.
Suddenly there came a gentle knock on the heavily locked door. The queen lashed around hurriedly and rapped her hand against the wood in return. The door then opened, and the queen looked down at a slight man, who looked about in his seventies.
“ Queen Elizah, previous upholder of Charelston,” the man addressed her by her proper name, “ She’s here.”
Queen Elizah bounced in place with excitement, the weighty tresses of her gown swaying back and forth. She clapped her hands together, like a toddler on Christmas.
“ Bring her in immediately,” Elizah ordered, trying to regain herself and act calm, “ but don’t wake her.”
The man nodded and closed the door behind him as we began the long and hard journey down the winding flight of stairs leading to the Queen’s tower.
He paused when he approached the last step, and called, “ Thorn, bring in the coffin at once.”
He had waited only a moment, before a large bear-like man with his thick, black beard ending at his belt, stepped in front of the first man.
“ They’re bringing it,” the bearish man told him, “ but it’s heavy- hasn’t been opened in years.”
The short man nodded, and tapped his foot. Waiting, would be difficult.
Eventually, three men called at once, “ Make way! We’re bringing it up, Thorn!”
The behemoth man smirked and winked at smaller one beside him. He reached only to his waist, and Thorn rested his heavy hand on his smooth, bald head.
“ Get ready, Yhohamos, this will be exciting.” He laughed and began to walk up the towers steps, two at a time. Yohamos chuckled, and giddily ran up behind Thorn. He turned back, to catch a glimpse of the three men carefully carrying the metal coffin. Yohamos couldn't bear the wait to see her.
He, being an old man, and having worked alongside the queens of Charelston for many years, had seen her once before. He had been captivated by her, and longed to see her one more time. He knew it would be his last time, as his retirement was coming up.
The group of men reached the door, and Thorn rattled his strong fist on the oak wood. Yohamos smiled, as he heard Queen Elizah knock the door excitedly in return. Thorn slipped a small ring of cool, metal keys from his pocket and unlocked the door to the Queen's tower. Inside, Queen Elizah was pacing back and forth, and she held long slender hands to her mouth, nibbling on her nails. Yohamos moved past Thorn and stood beside her, as he had for many, many years. The three men made their way into the tower, and laid the rusty metal coffin on the brick ground. Yohamos winced at the screeching sound of metal against rock, as it was placed down. Without hesitation, the queen rushed to the coffin, and laid her hands on it. She breathed evenly, but everyone could tell she was nervous.
“ Now, remember," Yohamos warned the excited queen, “ it will be hard to get her back in there. Once she’s out, she’s out until you die.”
Queen Elizah nodded, and stepped back from the coffin. She nodded to Thorn, and he pulled another set of keys from his pocket, this time, they were gold. He slid them into the keyhole on the rusted coffin, and twisted them ninety degrees. The coffin let out a wailing sound, and the queen covered her ears. The door slid open, revealing a girl, who looked neither young nor old. Her auburn gold hair was strewn about the coffin, and strands of it covered her face. Her hands were clenched into fists, and there was a hint of struggle on her freckled face. Queen Elizah gasped with wonder, and stared at the girls face.
Yohamos approached the coffin, and laid one of small, round hands on her face. Her skin was cold to the touch.
“ Hello again, beauty.” He smiled and grabbed a wooden box from his coat pocket. A tiny, scarlet, bead dropped onto his hand, and he placed it underneath the sleeping girls nose. Suddenly, her cheeks flushed with life, and her hands tensed. Yohamos took the bead away, put it back in the box, and stepped back.
The room was silent, and they all waited in anticipation. Queen Elizah hardly moved, hardly breathed. The girls forest green eyes flashed open, and she lay stiffly in the coffin. A minute later, she began to gasp for air.
Yohamos moved ever so slightly, and looked deeply into her eyes.
“ Who are you?” He asked her, even though he knew.
The girl sighed before responding in a young, but stern voice, “ I don’t know”
Yohamos then kneeled beside the coffin, “ You are P.I.P.E.R”
“ P.I.P.E.R” the girl repeated.
“ Why are you here?” He questioned her calmly.
“ I don't know.” Piper responded.
“ You are here, to protect Queen Elizah, upholder of Charelston. You will obey her every command, kill who she orders to be killed, and guard her with your life.”
Piper nodded, and then Yohamos offered her his hand. She took it, and he lifted her slowly out of the coffin. Her clothing was simple- a black body suit, that covered even her hands and feet. She was small, and thin, but strong muscles were visible through the suit. They all knew what she was capable of.
“ And will you die?” Yohamos asked her yet another question.
Piper shook her head, “ No. I will never die. I cannot die.”
“ Right, now, what is your duty?”
“ To protect the queen.”
Yohamos nodded with approval and beckoned for the queen to come near.
“ This, is Queen Elizah.” He said simply.
Piper only gave stiff, stern nod, and then shifted her eyes, taking in her surroundings. She glanced at Thorn, who was now stroking his massive, cascading beard. The three men avoided making eye contact with the strange girl. This went on for about half an hour, and then Yohamos decided she had to be tired.
“ You must need rest, come along and I’ll”, but he was cut short but Piper.
“ I’m not tired,” she stated, twisting her fingers, “ I’ve been sleeping in that coffin for over thirty years. No, I’m not tired….I'm alive.”
Queen Elizah tried to push back the sudden feeling of fear. This strange, unknown girl, had lived for many years before her, and she was capable of many things. But she didn't need to be afraid, she reminded herself, Piper would protect her- she was not a threat.
“ Well then,” Elizah forced the words out, “ You must be needing to get your strength up. Yohamos, show her to her chambers, and please, give her something to eat.”
Yohamos gave a curt bow to the queen and led Piper out of the tower and down the lengthy stairs. Her body tensed with life, as she followed silently behind the slight, aged man. They walked on through the halls of the west wing of castle, stone on brick, being lighted with the yellow glow of torches. Piper eyed the golden fire, and brushed her hand through one of the flames. Warmth rushed through her body, and she soaked it in. Yohamos smiled kindly, as he watched Piper play with the torches. A couple more quick turns and they came to the end of the dim halls. There was a metal door, with a heavy iron lock in the middle. Yohamos pulled a long, slender bronze key off the top of the door, and unlocked it. Then he pushed it open, revealing a small, crowded room, with no light besides an old, torch on the right wall. There was a metal bed, jutting out from the stone wall, and it had a single satin pillow resting atop it. The floor was cold and brick as well, but had a buck-skin rug spread out. Piper slowly crept in, and dug her feet into the rug. She brushed the brick walls with her calloused hands. Yohamos grinned as he watched the girl discover her chambers. Unbeknownst to Piper, she had been here before, Yohamos remembered. He could recall visiting her here almost everyday when Queen Nara had reigned, and bringing food, and anything she would need. He was not just loyal to the queen’s of Charelston, but also to their assassins. Piper was like a daughter to him, only that he had to re-introduce himself to her every time she awoke.
“ You get yourself comfortable, and i’ll get you some food.” Yohamos told her, and began to leave the room.
“ Nothing fancy,” Piper requested, “ Something simple, something that will give me strength.”
“ Alright then, ta ta.” And the old, round man waddled out of Piper’s chamber, leaving her on her own.
Piper stretched her neck and rolled her shoulders. It had been so long since she had last been awake. She needed to think.
“ I am Piper,” she said to herself, “ I am Piper”.
She repeated the name several times. Alright then, that was covered. She knew her name.
“ I am here to protect the queen,” she told herself, “ I will obey every command.”
Piper paced, her legs wanted to run, to sprint. As soon as she had her strength up, she wanted to be free. She did not like being cooped up, contained. She was more of a wild spirit, like a soaring hawk, searching for it's prey. Piper glanced at the metal bed and had decided she did not approve. Sleeping on cold metal would just make her muscles more weak. She sat down on the buck skin rug, it’s coarse hairs scratching at her legs and feet. The door swung open, and Yohamos came in, carrying a tray of steaming beef and potatoes. Piper breathed in the smell, and Yohamos set it before on the ground.
“ Will this do?” He asked her, hoping for her approval. She gave a brisk nod, and folded her hands in her lap. Yohamos did not always like this time, when she was just awoken. She was always quiet, and distant. But he supposed that was how everyone would be, after being asleep for over thirty years, and not remember who you are.
“ I’ll just be leaving, I have some business to do, but I will see again soon, if not tonight, in the morning,” Yohamos explained, patted her auburn hair, and left. He popped his head through the door, quickly remembering something.
“ Once you are ready, your trainers will arrive. You will also be given your armor and more suitable clothing,” he told her, and then he was gone again.
Piper already knew that she wouldn't be needing trainers- all she needed was her bow.

Piper fired her arrow, and flew through the air. It’s sharp blade hit the wooden target, splintering the wood.
The evening sun warmed Piper’s back and shoulders, and she closed her eyes with satisfaction. She turned and noticed Yohamos- the little man was clapping his hands, praising her good work. Thorn was looming behind him, his thick, dark beard resting on the round man’s bald head. Piper loosed several more arrows, and then approached them slowly.
“ Excellent, exellent!” Yohamos praised her. She nodded her thanks, and began to stretch her calloused hands.
“ If you’re tired, you can stop for the day,” the old man offered kindly.
Piper shook her head, “ I’m just fine.”
Yohamos nodded, and handed her a water pouch, which she took gratefully, gulping down the cool, spring water. Then she went back to shooting her bow, and Yohamos continued to watch her as she did so.
She pulled back her arm, aiming the bow, and shot. After a couple minutes she began to sprint, bow in hand. She managed to hit the bullseye on the target each time, even while running.
Piper continued to train until the sun went down, disappearing behind the great mountains of Charelston.
Yohamos joined her underneath a pine tree, her golden hair shining in the last rays of light. He waited for her to pack up her arrows and slide her spear into its sheath. She lifted her bow behind her, and they made their way back up through the castle and out of the small training yard. But instead of going directly to her own chambers, Yohamos led Piper up the brick stairs of the queen’s tower. She watched him curiously for the first time, as he knocked on the door, and the queen returned it with her gentle tapping. They entered, and Queen Elizah tried to push back her surprise of seeing Piper in her armor. When they came before the queen, Yohamos bent low in respectful bow, smooth, bald head nearly touching the concrete floor. Piper eyed the man as stooped down, but remained standing. He cleared his throat, trying to hint to Piper to do the same. Seeing that he was not catching her attention, he whispered, “ Piper, bow to the queen.”
She tipped her head in confusion, and Yohamos' face flushed with embarrassment. The queen nodding, signaling for him to rise. He began to apologize for Piper’s behavior, but she waved her hand, shaking off the matter. She understood that Piper was not yet accustomed to how treat royalty.
“ Your majesty,” Yohamos smiled, “ P.I.P.E.R has made much improvement.”
The queen, nodded, thankful for an update on her assassin.
“ Is she ready?” She asked, eager to have Piper by her side.
Yohamos nodded, and began to answer, but Piper cut him off.
“ I’ve been ready.”
The queen raised her brow, amused by Piper’s head strong will.
“ Well then, good. Sleep well,” Queen Elizah said, her attention slowly fading, “ Tomorrow will be a eventful day, and I need you fully awake.”
Yohamos bowed again, but Piper turned on her heel, and left the queens tower.

The next few days were spent training in the pine forests, and Piper became stronger every day. Word had spread through the village that the queen’s assassin had been awoken. Many disbelieved the news, as Piper had yet to make a public appearance. But Yohamos and the Queen had already decided it be best for her not be out and about Charelston. Many were against Queen Elizah, as she had been sent to stay in a west wing tower of the castle, to keep her from the king, who she had tried to murder. The queen had resigned there for over five years, only be let free on special occasions, but still being held back with chains. But there was some who were still loyal to her, and rebelled against the king, which Yohamos, was included in. Piper was let out, the only rule being that she could not kill the king, even if Queen Elizah had commanded it. If the half of the kingdom that stood for the king saw that they had allowed the mad queen to have Piper by her side, they would try to kill her, and Yohamos did want to see what the young assassins reaction would be.

Yohamos sat at his rickety, wooden desk, quill in hand. He began to write, but scribbled it out immediately. The old man couldn't collect his thoughts. Piper seemed different this time…..stronger. Before she had almost seemed like a machine, but now, she seemed more…real. Yohamos couldn't put it to words. He tapped the feather quill against the yellowed paper. He felt an urge to check on Piper, but fought it. She was fine, he assured himself. She was probably sleeping, getting her rest up for the day ahead.
Already beginning to feel more sure of himself, he began to write Piper's daily progress down. He had many books, each filled with events that had happened each time they awoke her. Yohamos was pleased- he had done well, in his mind, to make sure the auburn haired girl’s past would be remembered. After ending the last paragraph, he placed down the quill, and snuffed out the oil lamp. He retreated to his bed across the room, and attempted to get some rest.

this part of the book has yet to edited, so please understand if there is any misspelling or words used wrong.
what do you all think? I'd love to hear your thoughts! also, if you have any questions or think there is anything I should change or add, I'd be very grateful for any advice and help!

also, I'm now on chapter eleven, and this is where the real main plot comes to play. but.....writers block wants to get to me. it's not that I don't have any plot plans, I do. a really good main one that I'm so excited about, but I feel like it won't be long enough and I want to add extra scenes and side plots. does any body have any interesting stories or anything I could use? It would be so helpful!
Thanks for everything again guys, it means so much to me! I'm really excited about where this book is going!
also, if you've played the ps4 game Horizon Zero Dawn ( the only game I'm obsessed with) you're probably getting some Aloy vibes from Piper :lol: not on purpose, I'm not trying to steal their ideas!
well, have a good day all!
Olafthebunny :bunnyhop:


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Mar 19, 2016
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South Africa
thanks so much Michaelsforgardens! I'll share chapter two soon! <br /><br /> __________ Fri Sep 21, 2018 7:38 am __________ <br /><br /> so, I thought I'd post the next chapter:) enjoy! :D

She crept above the roof's beam, hardly making a sound, barely breathing. A chilling breeze slipped into the pitch dark room. Her hands skillfully went to her back, and she notched a black tipped arrow to her bronze-wood bow. She loosed it, and it thumped into the wooden wall. Barely visible, Piper dropped to the floor, her feet softly landing. She slipped her ScarletIron spear out of it’s sheath, and leapt at the armored training-dummy. She stabbed it with great technique and then briskly lashed it back out. Yohamos applauded, and she stood before him, placing her hands on her hips.
“ Well done, Piper!” He grinned, “ That was better than ever!”
Piper shrugged, and began to study one of her arrows in boredem, “ I don't need training. My body knows it all- you know I can shoot my bow with eyes closed and still hit the target.”
Yohamos nodded quickly, his head bobbing up down, “ I know, I know, but it’s just to help you get stronger.”
“ I’m already strong enough.”
“ But I thought you enjoyed your training?”
“ Yes, for a time,” she admitted, “ but if you really want me to get stronger, then training in the real woods , would be more preferable.”
Yohamos sighed with frustration. This was not the first time Piper had asked this question.
“ You know it’s for …” Yohamos paused, trying to figure out his wording, but as usual, Piper butted in.
“ For my safety you say, but, if I cannot die, than what do I need to be safe from? And I am not here to protect myself- but the queen.”
She took a long sip from the leather water canteen, and began to adjust the straps on her spear’s sheath.
“ I need to be on my way,” Piper said with a yawn. She quietly slipped out the training court, her heavy boots silent on the brick stairs. Yohamos stood there for several minutes afterward, his mind lost in thought.

Piper slowly walked through Charleston’s castle halls, waving her hand through the flame of the torches, as she usually did on her way back from her training with Yohamos. She had become accustomed to her life as the queen’s assassin now. A clear-skinned gecko skittered across the floor, and Piper held a finger for it to climb upon. It’s sticky feet gripped her hand, and she lifted it to the wall, and it hastily scurried up. Piper continued her walk through the dim halls, not making a trace of sound. She was stopped short by thin, wispy woman, her short grey hair was tucked behind her, and she froze in alarm before Piper. They said nothing for a brief moment, Piper’s forest green eyes on the elderly lady.
“ Scuse’ me miss” she shivered and Piper made way for the lady to squeeze past her.
She was used to causing fear among the queen’s staff- they simply were not used to seeing her, fully coated in armor, quietly creeping through the halls.
Piper arrived at her chamber door but stopped. Something seemed suspicious, her metal door was cracked open. She was sure she had closed it before she had with Yohamos that morning. Piper threw the door open wide. Three young maids were cleaning her space.
“ Out!” Piper yelled, startling the women.
“ Out!” She ordered again.
They dropped their brooms and dusters, and ran out the chamber in fear.
Piper fixed the buck skin rug, now back in it’s place. She closed the only window, and threw the maid’s cleaning supplies out onto the hall floor. Piper slammed her chamber door shut, and sighed. This was the only time of day she was completely alone. In about an hour, the staff would return, bringing her usual supper of beef and potatoes. She dropped to the floor and began to do push-ups, her strong arms lifting her body above the ground. She was interrupted by a loud, echoing knock on her door. She groaned, but rose to answer it. A tall man was standing outside, his hands shivering.
She cocked her head, and rolled her eyes. His white frizzy hair looked like it wanted to go in all directions, and his mustache curled in a strange way.
“ Miss Piper, I am you’re personal secretary,” the man began but Piper slammed the door shut in his face.
“ I don't need a secretary,” she yelled, hoping he could hear her through the metal door, “ go back to what your supposed to be doing!”
She listened for his fading footsteps before before sitting down on the rusted bed.
She kicked her foot hard on the brick floor, feeling no pain. Suddenly filled with anger, she grabbed her dagger and hurled it at the stained glass window. It shattered, red and green shards falling to her feet.
Piper reached for her bow and fired at the satin pillow on her bed, shredding her fourth pillow of the week. She refused to notice the chamber door open as Yohamos ran in, a guard behind him. Piper kept her head turned to him as she launched six more arrows at the soft fabric cushion. His round hand was suddenly resting on her shoulder, and she shook it off.
“ Piper, Piper girl, calm yourself!” He was nervously trying to calm her.
Unable to stop her from shooting, he beckoned for the guard and the strong man yanked the weighty bow from Piper’s hand, although he struggled through her strong grip. He managed to grab her arms behind her, though it would only be fore moment. The guard set her firmly on the metal bed beside Yohamos. She glared at him, her eyes daggers.
Yohamos took her hands in his and began to gently stroke them. She furrowed her brow and yanked them away.
“ Calm down girl, calm,” he shushed. Piper snorted and flicked her hair from her eyes.
“ You broke the window.” The guard stated, and Piper clenched her fists.
“ And you’ll need a new pillow,” Yohamos muttered, “ Again.”
“ You need to stop doing this,” the tall guard complained.
“ I was bored.” Piper blurted, casually kicking her feet back and forth.
Yohamos had never known her to get bored. Piper was never bored.
He quickly got to his feet and ushered the guard out of the chamber.
Piper began to pace her small quarters, her mind still. If she paced for long enough, she could manage to not think about anything. For several hours she kept this up, late into the night. She could sense that Yohamos and the guard had left earlier. Eventually, she retired, took off her armor, placed it on the buck skin rug, and laid down on the metal bed, her back straight. She had kept her mask on, as she always did - without it, she felt vulnerable.
Piper closed her eyes and tried to rest, but sleep never came. She lay awake in the dark room, on her cold, rusted metal bed. The stuffing from the pillow she had shot was falling out, scratching her head. She groaned, threw the cushion against the wall, and turned against it. And then she tossed again. And again. And again. Morning light began to creep through the edges of the broken, stained glass window. Soon, it slowly filled her room with each hour. Piper huffed, it had been yet another sleepless night. She threw her armor her back on, buckling the leather straps with care. She then hunched down on the floor, and began to sharpen her spear with a rough, hard rock. She drew her arm up and down the weapon, sharpening it’s piercing point. Piper lifted her head from her work as she heard the maid’s footsteps echoing through the castles halls, as they did every morning. Her breakfast would soon be served, but she honestly did not have an appetite.
Half an hour later, a gentle knock sounded on her chamber door. She rose, carefully setting down her weapons, and opened the door. She had been expecting to see Yohamos’ round face, so when she answered the metal door to the white haired secretary, she was alarmed.
“ Her highness, Queen Elizah has requested your assistance,” he proclaimed, “ she would like to see you in her tower immediately. Any training can be held back.”
Piper, filled with exhilaration, grabbed her bow and spear, stuffing it quickly into it’s leather sheath. She pushed her way past the secretary, determined and walked at brisk pace through the halls. The secretary tried to keep up behind her, his arms flailing helplessly.
“ Miss Piper! Miss Piper!” He squeaked, “ You might need an escort! Wait!”
He grabbed her hood, trying to slow her down, but she was strong and got free from his grasp. He stopped for breath a few feet behind her, bending down, hands on his bony knees.
“ You…go…on….ahead,” he yelped, catching his breath, “ I’ll catch up….later.”
But Piper did not hear him, nor did she want to, as she stopped below the stairs to Queen Elizah’s tower. She hesitated, but shrugged it off and began the climb up the brick steps. Her legs were fit and agile, so she took the stairs two at a time, sometimes three. She bounded up them, and had to stop suddenly as they ended at the towering wooden door. Piper pursed her lips and knocked on the door, just as she had seen Yohamos and Thorn do.
She waited quietly for the queen’s response. Finally, she heard the faint tapping of the queen on the oak wood door. Piper then realized, she did not have a key. She stamped her foot on the ground, angry with herself. Just as she was about to give up and move on, an idea flashed into her mind. Piper yanked one of her arrows free from its pack, secured on her back, and held it before the keyhole. She inhaled, and inched the sharp arrow into the lock. She braced herself, ready for the click, which gave way and Piper sagged with relief. She pushed the heavy wooden double doors with strength and they flew open. She caught the queen, who was casually draped across a scarlet sofa, off guard. Queen Elizah scrambled to sit up straight and attempted to appear calm. Piper without hesitation, strode in the stood stiffly before the queen. Her hands pulsed with readiness for anything the queen requested. The queen said nothing, waiting for Piper to bow with respect, and when she didn’t, she cleared her throat. Piper’s brow scrunched in confusion, and then, it hit her, and she bent her down into a clumsy bow. The queen raised her eyes ever so slightly as she watched the huntress nearly fall to the floor. She nodded, giving Piper permission to rise, which she did quickly. She felt the arrow she had used to unlock the door still her hand and she tucked it away in embarrassment. Piper hopped from foot to foot with impatience.
“ You needed me?” She asked Queen Elizah. The queen simply nodded and folded her slender hands into her lap. Her dress was a velvet red, blending into the couch. Piper twiddled her thumbs, waiting for the queen to speak.
“ I recall this morning, Yohamos informed me of a gang of rebels,” the queen explained, drawing her words out dramatically, “ he said the cowards were taking shelter in a forest not far from her. One of my men, when on a patrol , had happened to over hear of their plot against me.”
Piper nodded, excitement rising inside her.
“ Their plans are to kill me as soon as they see fit,” the queen continued,
“ And, as it is your job, this evening, as soon as the sun sets, the moment it grows dark, you will journey out to their to camp, and rid my kingdom of those blood-thirsty murderers.”
Piper’s heart leapt into her throat and she would've yelped with joy if she hadn't been in the presence of the queen.