Living Alone Without Being Lonely

[caroline]

I have lived alone on my 15 acre property for a little more than 2 years since my husband of 42 years died unexpectedly.
I am by temperament an introvert, although I am not at all a shy person. Two of my four adult children live nearby and are
always willing to help me whenever I ask. They frequently check in with me to see if there are chores I need help with.

Most of the time I am very content to be here by myself. I enjoy the routine of getting up early, going on a patrol walk
with the dogs, letting the ducks out of their pen, watching the ducks’ antics as I feed and water the rabbits, hanging
laundry on the line, pruning the fruit trees, and doing the myriad things that there are to do in the country. I have several
meetings that I attend in town each week and a couple of friends I that I have lunch or dinner with occasionally. I also offer
a weekly class to inmates in the county jail. I never experience boredom.

Lately, however, I have found myself wistfully imagining the support of an, as yet, unknown friend who could enjoy sharing
the daily joys and challenges of life “on the farm.”

As I was talking with one of my daughters who is getting back into dating after separating from her husband of 17 years,
she was sharing with me that she had been advised to make a VERY specific list of the things she wanted in a partner.

This got me thinking. The first thing I thought was how little interest I had in joining the traditional dating scene or in subjecting
myself to what I imagine as the meat market mentality of the on-line dating culture. The idea of making a list of all the qualities
I value in a partner, however, did appeal to me. So I got started and have been having lots of fun playing with it.

Since I believe in the power of energy and intentionality, I decided to share this list with my rabbittalk community and trust that
putting it out there into the universe can only be a good thing.

The other blessing that I am finding in this experience is having the realization that whether or not another person ever shows up
as that mythical friend I am imagining, these are all the qualities and skills that I want to develop more in myself. It’s great to keep
being reminded that first of all I am my own best friend.

I would like [to be] a partner who:
Is kind
Is flexible
Loves water
Is an omnivore
Is a good listener
Appreciates poetry
Likes strong women
Enjoys my company
Is a “morning person”
Is glad to have a body
Has an inquiring mind
Prizes handmade gifts
Seeks the divine in me
Has a spiritual practice
Is not bored by routine
Treasures this moment
Knows how to tan hides
Likes walking the pasture
Likes dogs more than cats
Uses dental floss regularly
Is comfortable being honest
Admires rather than resents
Assumes my good intensions
Is open to alternative healing
Doesn’t waste time on regret
Likes ducks more than chickens
Enjoyed youth, prefers maturity
Is interested in my point of view
Resists enabling others’ addictions
Has friends and enjoys being alone
Likes pruning and grafting fruit trees
Is willing to harvest rabbits and lambs
Has a healthy relationship with money
Recognizes challenges as opportunities
Is willing to question stressful thoughts
Likes fixing things like fences and drains
Believes in detachment, not amputation
Can disagree without being disagreeable
Values the journey as much as the destination
Can usually remember that nothing is personal
Is comfortable with tears, their own and others’
Is more likely to pay it forward than do a payback
Respects others’ right to have their own opinions
Has a happy life without needing to use chemicals
Is usually willing to ask, “Why is this a good thing?”
In a conflict remembers to ask, “What’s my part in it?”
Honors relationships by refusing to participate in gossip
Knows patience is a virtue, not a reason for procrastination

 

[FourRingCircus]

I can't imagine the loss you have endured, I'm so sorry .

As for finding a partner to share some day to day things, you might find them in the most unlikely of places! A couple of my friends' moms and my grandmother have all found someone after thinking they never would. I think one lady met her friend at the grocery store?? My grandma works at a horse track and her and one of the horse owners met somehow or another. All 3 will tell you they never planned on living with anyone again (for various reasons), but after time goes on, they really crave the company.

 

[Marinea]

I love your list, love it...except for the chicken thing

42 years, I can't even imagine. I am sorry for your loss.

You've put your openness about finding a friend into the cosmos now. Hoping it comes back to you and adds another level of richness to your life.

 

[BlueHaven]

I would think the more your put yourself in groups of people the better your chances are. A singles group in your area run by a church. Some of the larger churches run all kinds of groups from single parents to single seniors. Card playing groups, church or temples. I would even venture a dating site like farmers only, but be sure to be honest about yourself and really vet the people you meet. I see nothing wrong with it at all.

 

[akane]

I kind of miss being alone to do my own routine and only pick up after myself sometimes. It has also crossed my mind occasionally that maybe someone a little more motivated would be better but I do love my husband for all the irritation he causes me. With my sleep disorder it's hard to find motivated or farm experienced people who aren't morning people and will stay up late at night with me. Part of the reason I never made a list is that it would conflict with itself too much and I know I have to compromise half of it to have the rest so I just waited for whoever clicked.

 

[AprilW]

I am very sorry for your loss and I hope you find the friend you are looking for. One idea that came to me since you did not mention looking for a romantic partner -looking into offering an internship on your farm. Like-minded people could come to you for the work and learning experiences of farm life. These interactions could flourish into friendship, or possibly more if that is what you want. I also don't think it's just younger people looking for these experiences. My mom is 57 and just now becoming really interested in vegetable gardening.

 

[caroline]

I am very sorry for your loss and I hope you find the friend you are looking for. One idea that came to me since you did not mention looking for a romantic partner -looking into offering an internship on your farm. Like-minded people could come to you for the work and learning experiences of farm life. These interactions could flourish into friendship, or possibly more if that is what you want. I also don't think it's just younger people looking for these experiences. My mom is 57 and just now becoming really interested in vegetable gardening.

No, I am not really looking for a romantic partner. One of the things that I did was to post in the farm and garden section of Craig's list
for a "rabbit raising partner" it was something like the internship idea. At that time I was more focused on sharing the responsibility for
the rabbits with someone who might be interested and not have a place to do it. My goal at the time was to develop a person that
I could trust to take care of the animals if I wanted to go away. I never had any takers.

Now, for some reason, I can no longer post on CL [I complained about that some months ago on here] I have started doing my posting
on Hoobly and ebayclassifieds for rabbit and puppy sales. I willsit with the idea of using one of those places to look.
Not sure I am comfortable with it since my idea has morphed into something different.