An awkward situation...in my shoes, what would you do?

[Kyle@theWintertime]

So my virtually-PETA-billboard friend (using that term loosely here) found out I was going to the show this past weekend. She asked if she could ride with me and hang out at the show.

I already had a passenger (another friend who loves rabbits, and often helps me process my meat rabbits) and didn't want the Animal Rights Fanatic in my car or at the show, so I told her the back seat was going to be full of rabbits and equipment (it wasn't, but...whatever) and she seemed okay with that.

So she shows up at the show anyways, she and her mom drove all the way out to Lansing to hang out at the show. :x

While she was admiring my rabbits, she asked how they'd done on the table...long story short I mentioned that Mousse, my broken castor Mini Rex, is being removed as my MR herd sire thanks to his shiny new replacement (bought a real dandy of a buck at the show). She asked what I was going to do with Mousse, and I made the mistake of being honest with her: I don't know. I may keep him as a pet, or sell him as a pet only, or if I need cage space I'd process him with the next batch of meat rabbits.

Yeah she kind of freaked out. Said I should give him away before considering culling him...I declared that I paid for him, I would get use out of him SOMEHOW be it through resale or through dinner.

She stayed civil and acted like she was being super generous, and said she'd be willing to work with a local rabbit rescue and that she'd even foster my "unwanted bunnies" and that he's just so sweet I should really give him a chance. Now I grant you, I love his personality...but I have VERY limited cage space and now I have a spectacular buck to breed to, so by the end of the year I'm gonna have some right dandy babies that'll need holes of their own. I can't justify culling a quality show rabbit to keep a pet-quality non-breeding buck.

Before the conversation could continue, they called for my other breed so I got a lucky break and the conversation ended before it could escalate. When I got back from the table, we talked about other stuff (primarily because she WOULDN'T GO AWAY) until it was time to leave. But I know her...she won't let this go.

Honestly I'm leery of selling rabbits as pets, I don't want my culls to end up on a show table. I think I may have found a way around that though...got a newsletter from District 8 mailing list and it said they'll not accept rabbits with tattoos that have non-numerical or non-letter characters, so...putting a daisy or smilie face in an ear might solve that. But I also don't want my culls breeding, either, and I won't insist a pet buyer pay for neutering. However I can't be sure how she'll take the notion that I'd really rather cull my lower quality rabbits than sell them. And I sure as heck do NOT want ANYTHING to do with the local rabbit rescue, I find their practices downright dangerous ("this bunny has a permanent condition of snuffles but he co-habitates with other rabbits just fine!!!" *cue the sound of my brain exploding*) and moreover do not want them to call the humane society on me for eating meat rabbits. :roll:

I've tried minimizing my contact with this individual (I know I've posted about her before) but she's getting a lot...weirder about rabbits. Someone at the show told her that their rabbit breed is a "fur breed" and she was horrified. We had an awkward conversation about what "commercial type" means.

I don't know what if anything I can do to make her understand that, as I don't condemn or judge her based on HER husbandry, she needs to stop having issues with MINE. :angry: I've tried the whole "we are different, let's celebrate our differences and just be happy we have a love of rabbits in common" and it hasn't worked.

Other than basically cutting contact, any ideas what I could do?

 

[mystang89]

In your shoes, if the same thing happened to me, I would do what I felt comfortable with. You are right. That buck is your rabbit to do with what is best for your situation. If she can not understand that or accept that, or if she becomes hostile or threatening, I would cut contact as she is apparently not really a friend but an acquaintance.

 

[MaggieJ]

It's a pity you mentioned replacing your herd buck with the new one. Over the years, there have been a few people in my life to whom I never, never said anything important. I had to be around them sometimes, but I learned never to volunteer information or views. I don't know if it would work for you or not.

If she persists, perhaps you could say that you are considering keeping him as a back-up buck, at least until you see how the new buck performs. Not a bad idea anyway... The new one could be a dud as a breeder. After some time goes by, just go ahead and do what you need to do for the benefit of your herd.

Personally, I would lean towards phasing her out of your life. You don't need this.

 

[Mickey328]

I have to go with the "phase her out of your life" philosophy. Some folks are so single minded that they can't seem to just live and let live and if someone is that rigid, personally, I prefer to not really have them in my life. Who needs a "friend" with whom you have to censor every thought you want to speak? Just mho.

 

[trinityoaks]

Personally, I would lean towards phasing her out of your life. You don't need this.

:yeahthat: :clap:

 

[dayna]

I had a "friend" that didn't fit into my life anymore. We were too different, too many things NOT in common.

I told her that I saw no reason to continue the relationship. I have no idea if that's an option for you, or if you need to phase her out by all means do that.

There are so many wonderful people in this world that WILL fit into your life, it's a waste of your time and theirs to keep others around that don't.

 

[Asinaway]

Oh my goodness, thank god she was not around when we all had the discussion at the show table about what we do with kits that don't quite make the "show Quality" format. There was some gruesome examples and explanations, and one breeder had to go as far as giving us a demonstration, of course no rabbit was harmed but stil.

I'm with the others, I know shes a friend but having to sneak around her and not say anything to "start" a discussion will just get very old fast. I knows it's easier to say that then do it, believe me.

Don't let her make you feel bad about your decision to do what you want with that broken castor buck, he is yours and its up to you not her.

I know for a fact that new buck will produce for you so Do what you feel is right and let no other sway what you think.

 

[fuzzy9]

That would be way to much "drama" for me, and I'd cut ties with her all together. If you are going out of your way to be concerned about what you say or do around her, you've been way to nice to her already!

 

[Random Rabbit]

I have certain people that i just do Not mention certain "hot button" topics around. It simply is not worth the aggravation to me. I do my level best to divert such conversations into less polarizing topics.

It really makes an Awkward situation... when someone such as You describe... shows up precisely where You hoped they would Not !!!! That is about the time that what little tact i still have... would leave.

Do keep in mind... that a 'rescue' willing to help out by taking Your unwanted bunnies... will also have absolutely No Qualms about trumpeting to the whole world how Horrible Breeders are by DUMPING unwanted animals which the 'rescues' must then rescue .

 

[Frosted Rabbits]

Your friend does not realize that 'cull' does not mean 'kill' You need to 'cull' that friendship, for sure. It is harmful to your peace of mind....Forget teh rescue-- cuz yeah, you are a horrid, cruel, breeder...after all, you have rabbits that you don't want in your barn, and you've DUMPED them!!! EGAD!!!

 

[Mary Ann's Rabbitry]

I would say what Maggies said.. To tell her that you are going to keep him for back up.. Then when enough time has pass. then cull him. This way she will not bother you to get the rabbit ect. And i wouldnt deal with her at all.

 

[lissapell]

Tell her you are keeping her and then "oh no he died"

 

[OneAcreFarm]

She doesn't deserve the time and effort you are expending on this...Don't let her "rent space in your head" for one more second. What you do or do not do with YOUR rabbits is no concern of hers. What SHE thinks or wants is no concern of yours. If she persists, tell her so, and then sever the contact. And you ARE giving him a chance...a chance to provide a healthy meal for you.

 

[zee]

I HAD a friend who told me I was cruel for even considering raising rabbits for meat, yet she buys meat from the grocery store. :evil: Excuse me for wanting to humanely raise organic meat with no hormones or whatever else they put in the meat we buy to feed my family. I dropped her like a hot potato!

 

[Bad Habit]

I would be careful when severing ties with her, if that is your chosen course of action.

 

[DumansArk]

Bad Habit has a point; don't burn the bridge if you can help it. Maybe just become really busy and as others said, phase her right out.

Years ago, when we were in 4H with rabbits, someone took issue with us. Shortly after, an Animal Control officer showed up at our house. We were very blessed and passed inspection just fine, but after the horror stories we've seen/heard, it was scary to go through.
He couldn't tell us who had made the call. But we knew.

 

[Kyle@theWintertime]

Asinaway, you may have seen here there...kind of a skinny gal in a long black coat who never takes off her hat. :roll: Trying to give her a hint, I went back to grooming Boss and my friend went back to her book...so the gal-in-question sat on the floor so as to stay there with us.

Actually when you walked over with the buck's breeder, you interrupted one of her rants about husbandry (why yes, my Mini Rex live on wire. Why no, I have no "sore hocks." Why no, I am not changing to solid floors.) and I am also super-grateful for that.

Thanks guys, I think you are right...she's always been weird about me hunting and she's gotten progressively weirder about me since I began keeping rabbits. I hate the idea of censoring myself just for her...I already have to do that with certain family members, it's too much work to remember who I can be honest with and who I cannot.

Got a message from her today...she's cheerily recommending her vet for my doe with the vent infection. That her vet has a lot of rabbit experience, he's the vet who neutered her rabbit and everything.

I'm just...not gonna reply, 'cause no way am I paying a vet to do what I can do myself...few injections of penicillin and she should be right as rain. If she asks down the road if the doe saw a vet I'll just tell her "the infection is gone, she's well again."

 

[Demamma]

You can always send her text of"thank you" She will think you are taking her to vet but you did not say you were. Otherwise she is going to think you are neglecting. I would slowly faze her out of your life. Sounds like to much of a energy drain to me.

 

[OneAcreFarm]

:yeahthat:

 

[Lastfling]

She doesn't deserve the time and effort you are expending on this...Don't let her "rent space in your head" for one more second. What you do or do not do with YOUR rabbits is no concern of hers. What SHE thinks or wants is no concern of yours. If she persists, tell her so, and then sever the contact. And you ARE giving him a chance...a chance to provide a healthy meal for you.

:yeahthat:

My sentiments exactly! Life's to short to worry about what someone else thinks you should do with what's yours. Do what you want and drive on.