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How do you guys deal?

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How do you guys deal?

Post Number:#1  Unread postby Maleficent » Sun Oct 29, 2017 4:22 pm


My grandmother just called me at work and yelled at me for a solid 30mins over the phone in front of coworkers and customers alike because of my rabbits. Let me paraphrase what all she said, "get rid of all your rabbits! They breed like weeds! (Oh please.... one of my girls reabsorbed her last litter and I have at least two rabbits that refuse to lift without a little stimulus like patting their bottoms and come end of December I'm going to probably cull half my herd) They are filthy smelly animals that belong on a farm! (If that is true how come the garage doesn't smell?) It disgusting to eat cute little animals! (They were domesticated for meat..) it's cruel to breed them more then once! (....)" that was only what I REMEMBERED her saying as I started tuning her out.

She also thinks if people are going to cull their animals they should pay $300 to have them put to sleep at the vet as every other method is barbaric and cruel...

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Re: How do you guys deal?

Post Number:#2  Unread postby Preitler » Sun Oct 29, 2017 4:45 pm


Phew. How much do you depend on your grandmother?

There seem's to be no point in arguing, her mind seems set. Well, at second glance, could there be something else she doesn't like but project it on the rabbits?

If this garage is all your responsibility, I would* tell her something like, "grandma, I love you and your new curtains look great, but that's non of your business"

*If I had the balls to do that :?

In reality, I just backed out of such conflicts, destroying any bridges behind me, and I can tell you one thing: I regret it. Whatever it was about (well, for example, the dispute when my parents discovered I own guns took about a quarter century to heal somewhat, without ever mention that topic again for the last 25 years...), it wasn't worth that.
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Re: How do you guys deal?

Post Number:#3  Unread postby Maleficent » Sun Oct 29, 2017 4:54 pm


She did help me out during a rough patch recently but honestly now that I have a job again I am hoping to not have to rely on her at all. The garage is basically my domain, my cousin only stores stuff in it and her kids don't play with 9/10th of the toys stored out there or if they do play with them they destroy them :/

My cousin started this fight because I was again little short on rent (I just started this job.. I can't guarantee what my hours are just yet) and I was deferred twice this week at biolife. Honestly my cousin should not complain. She wouldn't be so dependent on my rent money if she went to her $18/hr job consistently instead of two times a week... once a month. Even with taxes that is almost $1000 twice a month if not more! Lady doesn't take care of her kids half the time and doesn't feed, water, flea dip, or change her cat's box then threatens to get rid of it when it poops on the floor because of a full litter box.. she hasn't even treated the poor thing for worms yet! Yet she has enough money to go out and buy expensive shoes for herself and new clothes for her kids all the time..

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Re: How do you guys deal?

Post Number:#4  Unread postby TeaTimeBunnies » Sun Oct 29, 2017 6:30 pm


It sounds like grandma doesn't really have a say in it. I mean does she live in the house or own it is something? If she has no connection to the house or what goes on it really isn't any of her business. Just my thoughts though
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Re: How do you guys deal?

Post Number:#5  Unread postby alforddm » Sun Oct 29, 2017 7:22 pm


I would have said "Grandma, I love you but I'm at work and can't talk right now" and hung up.

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Re: How do you guys deal?

Post Number:#6  Unread postby MaggieJ » Sun Oct 29, 2017 8:04 pm


:yeahthat:

Grandma has no business calling you at work for anything less than an emergency (especially when you are new to the job). Tell her respectfully that you are at work and it is not professional to talk socially on company time. Then say "I've got to go now. Goodbye, Grandma." (pleasantly) and hang up.
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Re: How do you guys deal?

Post Number:#7  Unread postby KimitsuKouseki » Mon Oct 30, 2017 6:05 am


:yeahthat:

I'm thinking, I dont mean to sound mean or anything, but is she slightly bipolar or something like it? I think I remember she owns the house but doesnt live in it from a previous thread you had (or was that someone else).
exemple A : Like, I lived 1 year in california, for a time, I lived with my ex-husband's parents who were alchoolics, his mom came waking him up at 1am just to yell at him cause "he needs to pay the bills" when he's already paying all the bills since she drinks her money. That went on for a good 30min until I tried to politely tell her that he needed to go back to sleep since he only had 3hours left before he had to go to work and then she started taking it out on me. Saying, if I dont learn to speak espagnol, she'll force her son to send me back to Canada. O.o
Drunk people.... blah.
exemple B : I live with my father right now, it's his house, he lets me raise my rabbits since he knows I love it. His issue? money.... True I dont pay a rent, but I pay my own food and my own bills, so no difference from if he lived alone in the house he owns. He has money, but one day he'll come yelling at me about how I dont have a job yet and it's "my fault" he's thight on money. Sorry but, it's not my fault I broke my wrist and lost the job I had, not my fault I was sick after that and I am activelly looking. Also thing is, because he doesnt want me to work further then 30min from home, I had to reduce the scope of my potential jobs and that means theres not many oportunities for a seemstress, especially since 90% of those jobs are in montreal wich is 45min away (1h in traffic). but then 3 days later he goes and buys a 15 000$ brand new caravan.
He's a tiny bit bipolar...

Honestly regardless of what's the source of the yelling, at work you politely tell them ou cant though expect a continuation of the yelling at home and then, at home, you let them yell it out. None of it is your actual fault, something just needs to buzz out of their brains.

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Re: How do you guys deal?

Post Number:#8  Unread postby Ghost » Mon Oct 30, 2017 6:28 pm


Maleficent wrote:My grandmother just called me at work and yelled at me for a solid 30mins over the phone in front of coworkers and customers alike because of my rabbits.


I don't know how I would have handled that situation, probably not well. I only hope you did not have it on speaker phone. I believe in something called "appropriate venue". I do not feel that in front of my coworkers is a place to discuss the "finer" aspects of raising livestock, especially creatures that many in the US consider pets. I would have made sure that my coworkers would not have heard me talking on the subject. The phone call probably would have ended with, "I am at work, and I do not feel that this is an appropriate place to discuss my rabbits.". I would have attempted to end the call politely, but if she insisted on the subject while I was at work, the conversation may have ended with me hanging up on her.

Not being at work, I might have tried to speak logically about them and tried logical arguments. Not sure if that works on her. Is she is not a vegetarian, then ask her why it is alright for her to eat meat as long as she does not see the creature alive. Does a chicken not have the same right to life as my rabbit? Link her to PETA slaughterhouse videos. Also remind her that wild rabbits are eaten all the time by wild animals. When wild animals eat their prey, they are not concerned about the suffering of the prey animal. In the wild, prey animals will often undergo an ordeal before dying by their predator.

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Re: How do you guys deal?

Post Number:#9  Unread postby UFCreel » Wed Nov 01, 2017 8:02 am


Everyone in my family knows if you call me at work. There better really be a good reason for the call. I just do not put up with nonsense.

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Re: How do you guys deal?

Post Number:#10  Unread postby Nymphadora » Wed Nov 01, 2017 11:40 am


My family knows that I do not pick up my cell phone at work. I have given them my work number to be called in extreme emergencies only, and they know they can send me texts (I check those on my breaks), but I will not accept phone calls willy nilly while I am working. I have enough on my plate, and I take my work very seriously.

That said, it makes me smile when I go on my breaks and have a few texts from my family with funny stories of their day. :) Especially my in-laws, who have a huge group text going with everyone chiming in and being goofballs. I love it. :oops:

Back to the topic though, you can absolutely tell someone politely that you are busy working and will call them back on your break. That way you won't be chewed out in front of your customers, at least (by your grandmother or your boss). I'm sorry your grandmother does not see the happiness your rabbits bring you, and the benefits of a meat herd, but if I remember correctly it is her house that you and your cousin are living in (even if grandma doesn't), correct? If that is the case, she may be within her rights to limit the number of animals you have (think of rental agreements and landlord rights). I understand the job is still new for you, but in your circumstances it might be very difficult not to have family over-involved in your rabbitry until you move away from them a bit. If you can save up enough to move out with the new job, I would highly recommend it... once you have your own place, no one has a say but you. I do hope everything works out for you, though!

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Re: How do you guys deal?

Post Number:#11  Unread postby akane » Thu Nov 02, 2017 4:47 am


The fact she complains they are smelly, dirty animals and then says you shouldn't eat cute animals makes me think she really doesn't know a thing about the rabbits or is impacted by their existence really. If she was she'd pick one side of hating the things or hating their deaths with details of their care as unsuitable for keeping pets or as unsuitable to have farm animals indoors instead of a conflicting string of complaints that covers them as both. For some reasons she wants something to complain about or disagrees with the idea of you having animals in the first place so she's reaching for every angle that might work. Logic has gone out the window. No conversation on why that phone call was wrong or anything to do with rabbits is probably going to help you. Any other activity you take up is probably going to meet the same of whatever she can come up with to use as ammo. Maybe she's upset with the other people in the house instead since you said they are so irresponsible about their animals and you and your animals are just easier to yell at. Maybe there is something overall you can do to make her happier you are around and care less about any space you are taking up, noise being made, or other perceived interruptions to her life. Otherwise it's probably a lost cause starting with her own mental or emotional state. My stepdad just hates the existence of people in his house and it really doesn't matter what you do or don't do because the fact you live and breathe is enough of an issue with his day to launch off in tirades whenever he thinks of something beyond that to complain about.

Personally I take the burn bridges approach and I don't regret it even if it lands me under the homeless bridge in Iowa winter. When my sister and I got into a conversation about it I finally just said I have no family in this state. With my dad's side scattered across the country, the one relative on my mom's side I kind of like moving all over, and my sister over the state line to me I don't. My family was not reasonable and did a lot of damage to my life even if my mom gave me lots of money of which she has even more money now and still gives me money when I barely contact her. I think she just lacks any other ideas after I made it clear it's my life and if she can't figure out how to be supportive by her age it's not my job to explain that. I am just civil and I thank her for things but of all the people who only made my life worse my mom and my stepdad are the 2 in the world I do not forgive for their behavior because there is not a good enough reason for the years and years of ignoring our obvious distress and long term damage to our lives and health both physical and mental. Providing even a fancy house and stuff does not rationalize away a failure to have any empathy for emotions or physical injuries, especially with your own children. So bridges burned and I'll just keep lighting them up if they try to rebuild them. Sure money is useful and some day if we don't have the money to fix it the plumbing is going to catastrophically fail from the crappy DIY job of the previous owners but it's money and stuff compared to respect and actually caring about my opinions and what makes me happy in life. I'd rather spend months without a toilet again then purposefully take anything from her.
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Re: How do you guys deal?

Post Number:#12  Unread postby Prisma » Thu Nov 02, 2017 3:23 pm


I would have hung up without a word. If she persisted in calling, I'd refused to answer. Once home, I'd call and asked if this was an emergency? I wouldn't give her an inch in any thing but answering that. Then once she said no, I'd ask her if she'd lost her sanity as knowing how well animals are treated is a great deal better than buying a blank faceless carton and while I know this may not be true, I can almost guarantee she has done far worse if she is in her 70s or 80s. If she has any animals, even one, she must smell too...after all she has one she keeps and an animal is an animal no matter what right? If you want to go to the extreme that she come off of in that, or least to me.

Bottom line, she doesn't own you or support you. She could be big trouble because all it takes is one do gooder to ruin every thing. Be on guard with her. If you must talk with her, I would use the golden rule...if you can't say any thing nice nanna, aren't you supposed to say nothing or does that just apply to what you say?....yes I may be seen as passive aggressive. Its either that or flat out telling the person off with me though. She should be supportive if she valued your happiness at all, even if she doesn't agree.
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Re: How do you guys deal?

Post Number:#13  Unread postby MaggieJ » Thu Nov 02, 2017 8:39 pm


I think it would be a mistake to blow this incident out of proportion. Grandma was inconsiderate and intrusive, and you need to set firm limits, Maleficent, especially about calls at work . . . but I don't think it is in anyone's best interests to respond with anger. It will just add fuel to the fire.

I urge you, Maleficent, to set those limits, make them clear to Grandma at a time when you are not at work, and stick to them if she tries this kind of thing again. Be tough, but polite, and be prepared to end any conversation if she crosses the line again.
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Re: How do you guys deal?

Post Number:#14  Unread postby LunarFantom » Thu Aug 23, 2018 6:05 pm


I'd probably just hang up on her and try to calmly explain later "if you want to tell at me then fine, but not while I'm working. When I'm at work I have a job to do. They aren't paying me to talk on the phone." and then I'd refuse calls at work after that.

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