Between a rock and a hard place :'(

So turns out that this morning my Nanny passed away at about 5:10 a.m. She went home to join my Papaw. I just found this all out between last night and this morning so I feel like I've had a ton of bricks just knock me off my life path and I'm sitting in a daze trying to make sense of my emotions. I feel betrayed, I don't understand why nobody told me she was in the hospital for an ENTIRE week! She apparently had the flu (This is on top of multiple other prior health issues; Such as she lost her ear to cancer and got a prosthetic, severe arthritis in her hands, I guess it's rheumatoid arthritis? I never asked so I can't be sure. She also had lost majority of her vision in her left eye as well as had her right eye sewn shut other than a hole to put eye drops.) Anyway, she apparently had the flu and was taking meds to cure that and apparently her regular antibiotics. They told me today that on Thursday she decided to stop taking all of her medicine and on Friday morning she woke up and said she dreamed she was cooking breakfast for Papaw. I've cried so much I feel like I'm pulling myself into pieces with stress. Today has been a virtual hell in my head, to go to her funeral means to stay the night at my dads. My dad, the same person who has lied to me my entire life about anything he could ever lie to me about along with sexually abusing me. It's my only way of going seeing it's a 2 hour drive to Haywood County to the funeral, I don't want to leave home Monday and stay the night. I want to go to her funeral though, maybe I'm overthinking but I can't trust the man who helped bring me in this world because he's lied to me so much. I feel so torn, so confused.. I don't know what to do but I'm killing myself over this.

Yes,when someone I love dies,especially unexpectedly, It IS a shock.
I would want to have the support of someone I trust when I am having such a hard time.
Sounds like you don't feel that way about your dad. Perhaps you have a friend or relative
that you DO trust that you could take with you when you go to the service.
Sending you xoxo.

Aww, Buttons, I'm so sorry. (((Hugs)))

I'm assuming Nanny and Papaw were your grandparents. It's hard to lose them when they are such an important part of your childhood, but it sounds as though your Nanny was ready to go. There can reach a point where life itself is a burden that a person is ready to leave behind.

Yes, it would have been best if someone in the family had let you know that Nanny's passing was imminent. My Aunt Eileen was the last of her generation, the only remaining sibling of my mother (my dad was an only child) and she was important to me. But when she passed no one told me. I didn't find out until long after the funeral, although I know I was in her address book and that she would have wanted me to know. It hurt, but there was nothing I could do except accept the oversight. No slight was intended. Her remaining son was very upset and his new wife, to whom the contacts fell, did not know me.

Go to the funeral if you can, but do not put yourself at risk if your father would take advantage of the chance to abuse you in any way. I assure you that your Nanny would rather you missed the funeral than that you put yourself in danger.

Is there anyone else (an old friend or a relative, perhaps) at whose place you could crash for the night? Even if you think it might be a minor imposition, I think that might be your best course of action. If there is no one, it might be best to stay home and remember your Nanny in your own way. Maybe write a eulogy for her, recording your best memories of her and what she meant to you. Burn a candle and just remember her. Or whatever private act will let you honour her memory and bring you peace of mind.

Hang in there, kiddo. We're pulling for you.

MaggieJ":fqzwfa5d said:

Go to the funeral if you can, but do not put yourself at risk if your father would take advantage of the chance to abuse you in any way. I assure you that your Nanny would rather you missed the funeral than that you put yourself in danger.

Click to expand...

This. Funerals are for the living- a final goodbye, a solace to be found with other loved ones, a way to celebrate a life. You can achieve those things without attending a funeral if going puts you at risk in any way. It sounds as if you were close to your Nanny. She knows how you feel.

*Hugs*

My condolences. I think MaggieJ and Marinea have said things much better than I could. I'll be keeping you in our prayers.

She was my great grandma on my step-mom's side. It was no accident I wasn't told. I'm quite often not told until days or weeks later.. Like when my little brother was born, I was the last to know finally 3 days later when I saw photos on facebook. I found out on Friday she was passing from my little sister (she's in the 5th grade, so as you can guess I didn't get much more than she was passing) I talked to my mom and she's working, I talked to my friend and she said it depends on her doctor appt. monday (She thinks she's pregnant, yes she had a positive test, but she has PCOS and if you know what that if then you know what I mean) If I can't go I plan to have a little candle light ceremony type deal at home to celebrate her life. Hopefully I'll be able to go but if not thankfully I have a lot of supporting people around me.

As far as my dad goes, I'm not staying the night with him, I had initially thought about it but everything in me was basically screaming no. I'll update all of you as soon as I know something, I also appreciate all the help. I've been very bummed the past two days, it didn't help that my cat knocked down my lava lamp yesterday and it shattered, so far today has been better, I think I've came to terms with the fact she's gone but she's happier and healthier. The body she was in was no longer serving her any good.

Thank you guys for all the love and support. I talk about Rabbittalk and you guys all the time, about how awesome and supportive and helpful you all are, how it's more like a family than a forum. I can't thank you enough for the help.

A happy memory to make everyone feel better is the last time I got to spend time with her I sat down and talked to her for hours. I learned that when she was 16 she married my Papaw (He was 18) they ran away to Georgia and got hitched. She said it was very hard at first, since she didn't have any help because she had ran away to get married. She told me when she was pregnant the first time that she was mortified but trusted everything would be ok, and it was. 75 years of marriage, 75 years of being with your soulmate. (Sorry I didn't tell the story as detailed as her, I'd be typing forever if I did)
I will never forget the first time I ever went to their house and met them, the house smelled like mothballs and I got to sleep in the dopest old timey looking room with the dark wood paneling and the darkish yellow carpets, the curtains that looked like they hadn't been updated since the house was built, I guess in my opinion it was everything I had ever dreamed of.

Thank you all again for the love and prayers, it has been very greatly appreciated!

Glad we could help a little, Buttons.

Your Nanny's story sounds fascinating. If you're looking for a way to honour her memory, you could try writing down as much of what she told you as you can remember -- even if you are typing forever.

(((HUGS)))

The funerals kinda washed over me, ceremony, were more distracting than anything else. I made my peace with them years later, visiting their graves alone.

(hugs)

I like going back to visit graves. I feel like it's very personal, almost as if they are sitting right there in front of you. I lost my step great grandpa when I was in the third grade if I'm not wrong (This is my Dad's, Step-mom's, parents) He used to tell me stories all the time, and I'd go pick bugs off the plants for him and my great grandma (I call them Mother and Charles, I don't know why we call them Mother and Dad *I always called him Charles because I called my Dad, Dad.*) I have a lot of great memories with them and it's saddens me unbelievably seeing her now slowly declining health, while knowing she's smoking cigarettes :evil: :evil: :evil: :evil: . I do plan one day to visit their graves, separate of the funeral and speak to them (It's just something I've done as a kid, I feel like I get replies in my head, whether I make it up in my head or not who knows but IDC quite frankly).

I probably won't go to her funeral which is sad, but I know her grave isn't ever going to just disappear so I can visit her whenever I please as many times as I want, I can tell her anything without anyone there to judge what I say or why I say it, and I like that.