Friends and their plans :(

(Actually, she sounds to me more like a sundew than a pine tree... you know, those plants that lure you in with a sweet scent and then cover you with sweet goo and eat you?)

I guess I've kind of been on the other side of the equation.

I recently landed a job that gave me a $15K increase in pay. I've worked really hard for years to get where I am. I stuck in a job I hated so that I could get the experience and contacts needed to go further. When this new job came up I was flabbered and gasted and jumped at the chance. So for the first time in my whole life I am not living paycheck to paycheck. I am actually able to save money and not struggle to pay bills. I was talking to a good friend of mine about it and just saying how much less stressful my life is now that I don't constantly have to worry about bills and how I can now save up to buy a house. I wasn't bragging I just wanted to share my happiness with my friend. But she got mad and yelled at me that I was bragging and depressing her because she can't buy her own house. Well I'm not buying one yet I'm just saving up money and working in increasing my credit score so I can possibly next year.

Thing is that 5 years ago she had a house but she got divorced and instead of keeping her house she sold it and moved to California and hooked up with some loser guy, got pregnant, and ended up supporting him and their kid on her part time job. She made some really bad choices and then a couple of months ago she married the loser and he STILL didn't get a job or change so now she's getting divorced again.

It made me feel badly because I worked really hard and yet it's almost like she's mad at me because she made bad choices.

That's a shame about your friend, LV... unlike Ann's friend, though, you weren't running out and doing all the things she had told you she'd like to do someday, over and over again, neglecting promises made to her, and bragging about it all to her.

You were sharing some good news with a good friend, who should have been happy for you even if it did secretly make her envious. She had what you have now and gave it up. She knows that, but instead of putting the blame where it belongs (herself and her first husband), she's dumping it on you because you have what she wants.

When you catch crabs and put them in a bucket, they don't usually escape. This is because when one crab gets to the top, the other crabs will pull him down.

Maybe she'll think about it and realize she's wrong to blame you for her bad decisions. But you have nothing to feel bad about... you weren't being insensitive or rubbing your friend's nose in it.

Congratulations on your new job! You have worked for it and earned it. Be wise with your money in this crazy economy, but enjoy your new non-paycheck-to-paycheck life.

I agree with Miss M. Your friend is probably ashamed of her outburst by now. See how it goes next time you get together. Maybe she was already in a down mood about her situation and it was just too much for her to handle graciously.

But a word about friends. We meet people, we like them and start seeing them socially. We have fun. But not all friends are "kindred spirits" and sometimes when circumstances change, people change too. This is something that has been very hard for me to learn. Not all friendships are forever.

Lv - funny you'd post this - I came into this thread to ask about being on the other side of the fence ... I run competetive agility and am lucky enough to do very well .. I have a friend who has one of my dogs sisters (my pick of the litter for agility but at that time I couldn't keep a puppy- ver strange circumstances brought me her sister about 3 months later)
I have a great deal more success than my agility buddy - I never really know how much to tell her when she asks how our weekend was if I've been at a trial ...

it's hard on either side in some ways but the 'successful' side can create it's own issues

maggie so with you - I have very few friends - many many good aquaintances but they come and go - I tend to be a very loyal friend so don't give that easily ... still get unpleasantly shocked sometimes even so ...